Sometimes I miss my blog

I don't intend this to be a permanent thing. But for the first time since I shut down the blog, I have an urge to write in it.

I am also confused as to whether to reinstate the blog, if only for a short time, or not. I guess, as with most of my blog entries. It's one thing to write down what I'm thinking and feeling, but without releasing that to anybody else, I'm not sure I'll feel like I'm getting anything off of my chest. Merely writing down what I'm feeling seems fruitless. I am feeling it, I already know!

Of course talking would be the obvious remedy of these situations that build to ridiculous levels, but I don't like obvious remedies. Instead, I fanny about with herbal medicine, hoping that it will cure me without the need to see a doctor. It doesn't, because it's shit!

I just wrote what was on my mind. And now it's deleted, because, it didn't make me feel better. Publishing it wouldn't have made me feel better, It wouldn't have made things better. It was the same old cryptic shite that I would write before and you know what? It is so pathetic. Either say what you wanna say or don't. And I guess I don't want to.

Oh, the complexities of blogging.

I am going to write on because I don't want that confusing mess of words to be the only thing written it this first blog in months. And likely this will be the only blog for months also. I don't know that I wish to continue this regularly.

I did an audioboo today. I enjoy audiobooing. It reminds me of when I were young and wanted to be on the radio. I like how much easier it seems than making a video on youtube. I don't have to make an effort to look presentable. I don't have to look for angles where my chins don't look so mammoth. It's just, press record, have a chat and bob's your uncle. Well, I complicate things a little with music, which I'm sure isn't allowed but fuck it. I also like that only about 4 people bother with audioboo, so I don't feel like there's any pressure for it to be all that good.

The podcast is coming along well. I probably have enough now to put together an episode, it's just making the effort. I have quite enjoyed making the episodes, however I don't think I ever thought it'd be as hard as it has proved to be. I think, because I'm doing it alone, the content almost has to be a properly constructed monologue, aimed at being entertaining. When you have a partner to bounce off, it's easy to chat about anything and it'll lead on to the next topic organically. The ease in which you can bounce off people to be entertaining makes it a much more appealing way of making podcasts. Currently, I am thinking quite thoroughly about what goes in the show believe it or not. But after three episodes so far, it does feel like too much effort for what it is. Fortunately those who do regularly listen, seem to enjoy it. Few though that may be, it's still nice that they do. Hopefully they genuinely do too.

I went down to Specsavers this morning (yesterday morning I guess) I've had a little difficulty seeing long distances for a few years now. It's mainly an issue watching TV. Not knowing what the time code says on the football match, not being able to read the information for what's on next on the freeview guide. I never really saw it as a big enough problem to warrant going somewhere I knew I'd be uncomfortable. But over the years it has gradually been more blurry and recently I tried a friends glasses on who had a similar problem, and just on his prescription, I was properly amazed at how clear my vision became. It was like my eyes became HD. I expected it when I looked at the TV (although I figured it'd get bigger, but it actually got smaller and more crisp) but I never imagined how different it would be looking at someones face.

Anyway, it persuaded me to go get the test and hopefully in a weeks time, I'll collect my glasses and have clear vision again. I must say that I was almost fighting against getting glasses now that it seems everyone wears them regardless of whether they need them or not.

FUCK THIS, it's 3am nearly and I'm typing about going and getting an eye test. How pathetically mundane.

Gonna go to bed now. The angst I held when starting this blog seems to have dispersed somewhat, so sleep is now the best option for me.