Hello me, you sad fuck

This time in the morning, I realise more than ever, what a sad loser cunt I am, especially as I sit here writing dirty phrases in to microsoft speech for fun. I need to somehow put a stop to it.

It's impossible it would seem to wipe people from your consciousness. When everybody you know are still connected to one another. Other than saying goodbye to the entire group, ending the chapter, and disappearing completely. I need to get to a point where just a mention doesn't kick me in the throat.

I wonder sometimes why I'm such a thoroughly unbearable character.

I love John Cox <3

John began his musical journey after moving to Glasgow in 2006 and signing up to popular video-sharing site, YouTube.

He posted a few song covers to an alternate account that received literally views. Collaborations with Blue Skies afforded him further recognition within the upper echelons of YouTube.

Late in 2008, Alex Day created the music genre fondly known as ‘Trock’ or ‘Time-Lord Rock’. Following this musical revolution, John formed the band TARDIR along with Blue Skies. They garnered huge interest among fans and record companies alike, but the band suffered from production hell, with their producer Timberland unwilling to finish the album and refusing to cooperate with any further correspondences.

Plagued with depression and an addiction to prescription medication, John’s friends held an intervention for him. He tried to run from this awkward encounter, when his long term heterosexual life partner, Ginger Chris, rugby tackled him to the ground. With a fleshy thud, the pair had an epiphany; SEMITONE SMACKDOWN. A YouTube based music contest, with fans choosing topics for the duo to sing about.

This MASSIVELY successful endeavour saw their popularity sky-rocket, propelling them to international fame.

Currently, John is forgoing an appearance at Summer In the City to take on the Ibiza club scene. He is still working on Semitone Smackdown.

Taken from Last.fm

You know what?

I was wrong. Griffin's performance was absolutely terrible!

Master-stroke BBC XD

The BBC have made a huge mistake!

The BBC are set for a huge ratings winner tonight from an unlikely source, Question Time. Buy why? For the first time, the BBC have invited a member of the far right British National Party on to the panel, the leader no less. Tonight, Nick Griffin will be given a platform to preach his sugar coated hate speech. And I wonder just how many people will buy it?

Lazy activists on twitter will no doubt flood the trending topics with hash tags they believe are funny or remotely influential. Most of these people will not have taken an active interest in politics, but will still consider themselves an educated critic because "racism is bad yeh and they shudn't be aloud to say racism things right?"

Despite twitters largely left winged majority, they are, as are all activists, people with big mouths, the amount of noise they generate may appear to speak for majority however they are usually a vocal minority. I'm not suggesting that the Country is largely supportive of the BNP. However, from what I observe, I am of the opinion that as a country, we are largely leaning towards the right in our opinions, particularly about immigration and particularly amongst those most likely to bother to vote.

Nick Griffin is a very clever man. He is articulate and knows how to play the game. He talks to the Country specifically about the worries people have in the country, he doesn't have to worry in the same way as the major parties do about political correctness or offending minorities because everybody is fully aware of what they stand for. Perversely, this means, he will appear to be the only one willing to tell it straight, the only person who's not trying to appeal to the masses. He's not going to go on tonight and talk about his bizarre thoughts on the holocaust, he's not going to go on and talk about black people needing a bullet to the head. He's played the game long enough to know how to word the party's beliefs and how to make them attractive to many people who in some way believe that it'll take something drastic to change the way this Country is currently heading in.

I'm sure, like most people, at some point you will have questioned just how many illegal immigrants there are in the country or how the country is being slowly changed to adapt to all the different cultures running parallel in our communities. I have certainly questioned where this country is headed when I hear stories about people in the UK being tried by Shariah law and not by UK law like every other citizen has to abide by. What will a continuation of this lead to? Women being stoned to death for having the nerve to be raped by ten men?

This is the United Kingdom and I expect anybody who wants to live here to abide by the same laws as I expect to live by. I don't expect our country's identity to be lost because we don't know who we are or what we stand for anymore. If I were to go and live in a country with a vastly different culture to my own. I would expect to live by their laws. I would also expect to be able to practice my own cultural routines in my own privacy. I would not expect the country to change it's laws to suit me. And in time, I hope I would enjoy integrating in to their social customs. The UK is the UK. India is India, Iran is Iran and these countries have certain laws and customs that are part of their identity. It's quite simple, don't live in a country who's customs you don't agree with. I don't like Sharia law, it should have no place within our society.

I am worried that tonight will be a victory for the BNP. They will successfully preach their message to those people who are aggrieved with our ever changing identity. The BNP are like an apple that looks okay, but when you cut it open, it's rotten to the core. I don't think they should be given a platform on Question Time, quite frankly because I don't have any faith in the British public to decide what's right and wrong. This is a society who seem to enjoy popstar politics and a lost generation who need to be told what to think. Lets face it, we're about to let the Tories back in next year, so we can't be a hugely intelligent lot can we?

Skins

I hope certain people have applied for that 'skins' competition that's been running on E4. Shit though 'skins' may be. Getting work experience with a proffessional TV channel/production company as an editor is invaluable. Certain people should have applied by now.

Some casual musing

Hello select few!

I am in a jovial mood at the moment. I'm kinda pissed off too, but my joviality at this time is averting my mind turning it into an issue.

I was thinking of how stubborn some people can be, sometimes it can appear to be a competition that they must win to prove a point. Thing is, they don't know what point they are trying to prove. I wrote recently that I've stepped back from things, people, events. I have done this with a clear conscience, I believe strongly that I made a continuous effort with some people, and I stress this is related to some people, not at somebody in particular. But you know what? You get to a stage when you feel 'what's the point, why shouldn't I expect the same in return?' And so I have stood back and given people the space to either continue being my friend or to get away while they have the chance.

The sheer stubbornness is maybe me believing things that were never there. I wiped my phone a few days ago and managed to fill it with a total of three names up until this point. One of those I would imagine is somebody who read the blog and thought they should text me, the other two I think was because they actually wanted too, I like that. I'm glad I did it, I think I'll continue to do so every few months without warning. Then it'll be easier to know who randomly wants to text me rather than those who just did because they knew I deleted my numbers. The downside of deleting all the numbers is not being able to text other people to say "hello, I like you". Maybe it need not be said, I'm sure other people are not nearly as insecure about their friendships as I am, I can also imagine that the reassurance I need from time to time can be irritating and tiresome, but it's as simple as a hello, I miss you message every so often. This is speaking in general terms, not specifically about myself. I think it's crazy we have all these free texts packages and it's too much to use one of those free texts to let somebody know you care. I'm probably just a bit wet, but the world can be a shitty place at times and it never hurts to receive a pick me up from somebody.

A couple of people who read my blog also talked to me after a long time on skype, It's nice, I like them, and in all honesty, I don't feel that they ever ignored me on purpose. It's impossible to commit your time to everybody you know online. So long as you make sure you have time for your best friends then I have no problem with a casual hello once in a while. I am on the outside of your circles and it's the people inside that matter.

I've been listening to Dave's (of 'Blue Skies' fame) album a lot lately. It's has a very nostalgic feel to it, which I love. It reminds me in places of 'The Wonder Years', and as anybody who knows me will tell you, there is no higher accolade. In particular, I love his softer tracks such as 'The World's Still Ending (But It's Cool)' and 'Another Day, Another Motorway', I think they are awfully pretty. To be honest, although I always heard Dave's songs because he's still one of the few whose videos I keep up with, I hadn't made much effort to go back to songs or get to know them. So, until I got 'The Blackout Sessions' and was able to listening regularly, I don't think I really appreciated how talented he is. But enough of this sycophantic ego massaging. I like it is all. END

I think I might have a bath now, relax with the bubbles and all.

Dunno?!

I have a knot in my stomach, it happens every time I spend too long thinking about friends who no longer wanna know anymore. If I see tweets or youtube comments from them, it just reminds me that once things were good.

But like I have said previously, I have to make a conscious attempt to not think about these people, and if that means unfollowing people and such, then it has to be that way for me. This horrible feeling I have now is multiplied by a thousand when I spend time thinking and thinking about the situation, it's just not good to put myself through that.

I personally feel that I made a huge effort before making the decision that I did, so I feel quite confident that I did enough. You can only do so much before you need to take the hint, as hard as it may be to take.

Listening to radio 1 now ready to hear the new chartjackers song. I've not paid too much attention to it thus far, so I'll be interested to hear what they came up with.

Where does the time go?

"I can remember when I first watched The Wonder Years thinking that the 1960's were distant history. The year 1968 was incredibly far removed from 1988. Now, it's 2009 and looking back, 1989 really doesn't seem all that long ago.

I guess it's all part of getting old. Twenty years really doesn't seem all that long ago..."


I found this on imdb wonder years message board, It's very true.

My phone is empty

I think recently I have tried to reign the crazy in. The problems I have with people are still there, but in the past there would usually be a argument of sorts. I'm choosing now to let go. The things people do or sometimes don't do still cause me pain, but I've drawn a conclusion lately that maybe I was naive in thinking that certain people were my friend rather than just an acquaintance. In the past, I have never had problems deciphering who's who, but I think because of the sheer numbers of people you meet through youtube, stickam, twitter etc. you start to think you're more popular than you are. There are so many that almost treat it as a competition, collecting new acquaintances like football cards, it's about numbers. These people probably have no idea who is really their friend and who isn't, and that's fine! Some people like to live with swarms of friends that are all at arms length. However I'm not that sort of person and I think I need to wise up. I think I felt I had made six or seven proper friends over the past couple of years. But just recently, with events and such, I've realised that at best it's probably just two.

I'm not in it to collect new names in my phonebook. I was looking at my phone last night and thought, probably only 2 or 3 people ever text me off their own backs, sure, others may reply were I to text them or maybe I might be included in a large round robin text but I thought, what is the need for me to have these people in my phonebook? other than so I can feel more popular than I am? I like everybody in my phonebook and probably one or two like me back, but it's not enough for me. It's time to wipe the excess and stick with the very small number who actually want to talk to me.

So, as of just now, I've wiped my phone blank, any contacts I may gain will be as a result of people wanting to initiate conversation with me. There's no other reason for you to be in my book. On a final note. I wish I were able to make new friends and discard the old ones like some people are able to do. Oh wait. Actually I don't, so that wont be happening.

Update: decided to do the same with skype. No reason to have 40 people I don't speak to on my list. Ball is no longer in my court, I like that.

Goodbye.

Today we had to put one of our dogs to sleep. She had been throwing up a lot in the last week. They found a large tumor in her stomach. It was thought it best that we put her to sleep so that she didn't suffer. But I'm suffering, as I write this more than ever. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I love you Lychee and I miss you already!

Few days of meh

I felt really down a couple of days ago. Everything was annoying me. I ended up texting someone who was also feeling down. I ended up trying my best to make them feel better about themselves and talk through how they were feeling. I'm happy to do that with anybody I know. Sometimes I wish people would do that for me though. It feels like I'm going back over old ground and I guess you can't expect things from people.

I do think I'm a considerate person. I try to text people for no other reason but to see how they are or to tell them I'm thinking of them. I guess some people are not considerate and it doesn't mean they don't care. But still, It's nice to feel that somebody cares. I've taken now to just holding people at arms length. I want to talk to them but I wont put myself in a position where I'm the person always starting conversations, asking if somebody wants to skype. Instead I'll wait and if they don't come to me, I guess I'll know how one sided friendships can be.

Unfortunately over the past few months, a few of my friendships feel weakened. I've tried to hold on and it actually affects me far too much. So this new policy of just forgetting is good for me.

That's all.

In The Country.

In The Country. from Dominic Cole on Vimeo.

Picasa

Never used Picasa before, this certainly isn't a photo worth uploading, however I thought I'd see what the blog feature was like. Took this photo in the pitch black so I didn't know what it would turn out like.