The past few days weather has been perfect. Not just in terms of being sunny, often the sun is too hot, but here on the Island, we have also had a beautiful cool breeze accompanying it. It's just gorgeous, I wish I had people to share it with.
The Island can be such a beautiful place to be, I take it for granted but with the rolling countryside, cliffs and beaches, It is quite a brilliant place to live, but I am at a point in my life where I don't mind where I live, I just want to live with people I care about. That's by no way saying that I don't care about my family, of course I love my family but there's a time when you need to escape and be with like minded friends or a loving girlfriend. I really need that I think at the moment. I am in a much better place then I've ever been in my adult life in terms of my mental health and now I feel trapped.
I guess when people all over are meeting up with Tibblls and Glasgow along with PJ and Lex and stuff, it just reminds me again and again that I have nobody really to hang out with. I am actually friendless where I live, I actually don't have anyone to sit on a beach with, go to the pub with and I feel so close to some of the people I've met online in the 20 months that I would just love it if I lived with or near some of them so we could regularly meet up or hang out.
I often think that those of you in the midlands miss out by not taking enough advantage of your close proximity to each other, dale lives 30 minutes drive from Dave, 1 hour from Pav, less on a train, Darren isn't too far away either, it seems like you guys should be hanging out loads. I wish I lived around that area just for that reason.
I got my first fan on youtube today, just a year and a half it took but I got there XD
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
A brief vengeful blog
I feel like I've been dumped, doesn't feel good actually.
In other news, Burnley beat Sheffield United yesterday which means that the scumbags have to spend another year in the Championship.
I voted Green Party on the european elections, weighing up the pro's and con's, I just decided they aren't as big a cunt as the rest of them.
Also, You're a prick.
Bye
In other news, Burnley beat Sheffield United yesterday which means that the scumbags have to spend another year in the Championship.
I voted Green Party on the european elections, weighing up the pro's and con's, I just decided they aren't as big a cunt as the rest of them.
Also, You're a prick.
Bye
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Little less information
I don't really know why I'm writing a blog, before I go on, this is likely to be a bit down so you've been warned. I guess I think it's weird that other people's lives can have a direct effect of how you feel. Going back to what Tom said about people's blog's affecting how he feels. I think it's totally true and because we are bombarded with a silly amount of unimportant information about people's lives through blogs, twitter and whatever else comes along, you are constantly getting information about what other people are up to.
I'm probably abnormal but people being happy doesn't necessarily mean I am happy and vice-versa. Do I rejoice in other people's misery? No. But sometimes I think it's easy to just feel jealous maybe, left out possibly by people posting just about everything they do. Just heard Scunthorpe are beating Milwall 3-2 so am momentarily happier then when I started this blog :D Right, I dunno exactly what I mean, just that maybe people need to be more exclusive about what they talk about, some information that people release seem to be nothing more than boasting 'Look at me, I'm here, I'm with this person etc.' You are with people, doing something, why waste time tweeting it so that everybody who isn't with friends can just feel totally shit? Because more often than not, that's the effect it has, certainly on me and I would wager that others feel similarly.
I have never been so tempted to delete my youtube account, blog etc as I have today. Principally I haven't because while youtoon is still possible, I feel I have to keep it, but I think once I know that is dead, I shall have to rethink that position. Just feel like I need to get away from the heaps of excess information that almost never make me feel good and almost entirely make me feel bad. Unfortunately, twitter and alike is too addictive and it's so easy to feel out of the loop if you are not a part of all these things.
Football season finishes today. Will be an exciting day but then 2 months plus without football will be shit.
I'm probably abnormal but people being happy doesn't necessarily mean I am happy and vice-versa. Do I rejoice in other people's misery? No. But sometimes I think it's easy to just feel jealous maybe, left out possibly by people posting just about everything they do. Just heard Scunthorpe are beating Milwall 3-2 so am momentarily happier then when I started this blog :D Right, I dunno exactly what I mean, just that maybe people need to be more exclusive about what they talk about, some information that people release seem to be nothing more than boasting 'Look at me, I'm here, I'm with this person etc.' You are with people, doing something, why waste time tweeting it so that everybody who isn't with friends can just feel totally shit? Because more often than not, that's the effect it has, certainly on me and I would wager that others feel similarly.
I have never been so tempted to delete my youtube account, blog etc as I have today. Principally I haven't because while youtoon is still possible, I feel I have to keep it, but I think once I know that is dead, I shall have to rethink that position. Just feel like I need to get away from the heaps of excess information that almost never make me feel good and almost entirely make me feel bad. Unfortunately, twitter and alike is too addictive and it's so easy to feel out of the loop if you are not a part of all these things.
Football season finishes today. Will be an exciting day but then 2 months plus without football will be shit.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Summer, birthdays and last fm
It's nearly 8pm and it's light out with perfectly blue skies and it's brilliant! Also I think I just might eat an entire box of cherry bakewells tonight (remember them?) 66p for 6 at Morrisons, I know I shouldn't but it turns out that they're really nice.
I love lastfm, I don't know why but I do, I want to overtake Jemma's 66,000 odd plays, I'm on about 2,300 so I've a way to go yet. Note to John, remove her scrobbler on the sly and I'll listen to loads of short songs.
I wonder why it is that people feel the need to try and make their friends like the same bands that they do? I do it, I expect that if my friends don't love my music, it must be because they've never heard it, because I have a great taste in music I think. Pav tried to get me to listen to Pendulum, was a bit shit, I tried to get him to Lemon Jelly, he said it was alright so I was one up.
John and Chris' birthday party is very soon and I wish it was a little closer to home, like my place or something. I want to see them, there are many people I have not met as yet that I would like to, John and Chris obviously and Emily and Jemma and I've only met others like once, haven't seen Mhazz for ages. Anyway, I'm sending their presents off tomorrow. I hope they like them and I hope it reminds them of me and just how shit the party is without me. In fact, get in touch if you wanna be the person I hire to sporadically say "This would be so much better if Dom were here, but I guess life goes on" throughout the night. I'll pay you in kisses. Someone should probably say it at the TIBBILS gathering. Make sure lots of people hear you. If they don't concur, punch them.
I am currently listening to Coldplay - X&Y, that is all.
Bye
I love lastfm, I don't know why but I do, I want to overtake Jemma's 66,000 odd plays, I'm on about 2,300 so I've a way to go yet. Note to John, remove her scrobbler on the sly and I'll listen to loads of short songs.
I wonder why it is that people feel the need to try and make their friends like the same bands that they do? I do it, I expect that if my friends don't love my music, it must be because they've never heard it, because I have a great taste in music I think. Pav tried to get me to listen to Pendulum, was a bit shit, I tried to get him to Lemon Jelly, he said it was alright so I was one up.
John and Chris' birthday party is very soon and I wish it was a little closer to home, like my place or something. I want to see them, there are many people I have not met as yet that I would like to, John and Chris obviously and Emily and Jemma and I've only met others like once, haven't seen Mhazz for ages. Anyway, I'm sending their presents off tomorrow. I hope they like them and I hope it reminds them of me and just how shit the party is without me. In fact, get in touch if you wanna be the person I hire to sporadically say "This would be so much better if Dom were here, but I guess life goes on" throughout the night. I'll pay you in kisses. Someone should probably say it at the TIBBILS gathering. Make sure lots of people hear you. If they don't concur, punch them.
I am currently listening to Coldplay - X&Y, that is all.
Bye
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
A happier explination
Before Tom posted his recent blog, he came to me and told me that he wasn't referring to my blog and was still following it.
My blog is pretty depressing, the problem is, when I have things on my mind, often this is the only place I feel I can let off steam, and sometimes the only way I can get a message across to certain people. I don't actually want to bore people in msn/skype conversations with my depressing thoughts, so when they say "Are you ok?" I say "yeah fine", it's pretty much the way society works. Nobody really wants to know if you have a problem, it's just chit chat.
When I'm not down, I don't particularly have anything to write about, so I don't think about blogging, I've tried before and I can barely think of two sentences worth before I get stuck. I am not sorry for writing predominantly depressing entries because it's my blog and that's what I need from it, however at the same time, I could probably understand why Tom would want to unfollow or certainly not read every entry. I'm glad he still reads though. I would guess, that Darren, Pav, Dale, Dave, John, Jemma, Chris and Tom are the eight followers of the blog and I guess the key people are interested in me, so that's ok.
I'm gonna write one depressing thing now and then move on to something happier so look away now.
At the moment, I'm experiencing a friend who seemingly has stopped talking to me and I'm not sure what I've done wrong. This gets me down.
Right...
itunes!
I have had itunes for a while now but I rarely used it, however last night I put about twenty albums on it. Today has been brilliant listening to full albums again as opposed to the odd track here and there. I used to listen to tons of albums before youtube and having anyone to talk to. I just used to spend everyday listening to different CD's but lately I've just have odd songs on shuffle. I rarely listen to CD's now. I love having the CD's digitalised and I fully plan to rip all 250+ albums to itunes but I've been holding off until I get a large external hard drive because I don't want to take up all my laptop's hard drive.
I uploaded a ton of Moby, Macy Gray, The Go! Team and Badly Drawn Boy and I love it. I do however feel like I'm starting to fall behind on my knowledge of music because I haven't listened to the radio in about 2-3 years so I don't hear new bands and I don't know when some of my current favourite artists have new material out. For example. I adored Royksopp's first album, I bought the second and I only listened to it like once and I realised yesterday that I've had it about 4 years now and that Royksopp have released two further albums since then. I'm not sure how I can start to get my knowledge up on new music again without radio because I just think that all dj's are fucktards.
On the topic of music, I had a couple of ideas for videos revolving around favourite music. It was either a desert Island Discs style video or a 51 things video but related to 51 favorite albums. I'm not sure if or when I'll do either. The 51 things video would probably be easier. Neither of them would be amusing. I feel a bit of an obligation to try to make funny videos for the people who are subscribed. I don't know if they'd be interested in a straight video.
Me and Tom decided earlier that an unnamed youtuber is an ugly little fucker. I like this!
My blog is pretty depressing, the problem is, when I have things on my mind, often this is the only place I feel I can let off steam, and sometimes the only way I can get a message across to certain people. I don't actually want to bore people in msn/skype conversations with my depressing thoughts, so when they say "Are you ok?" I say "yeah fine", it's pretty much the way society works. Nobody really wants to know if you have a problem, it's just chit chat.
When I'm not down, I don't particularly have anything to write about, so I don't think about blogging, I've tried before and I can barely think of two sentences worth before I get stuck. I am not sorry for writing predominantly depressing entries because it's my blog and that's what I need from it, however at the same time, I could probably understand why Tom would want to unfollow or certainly not read every entry. I'm glad he still reads though. I would guess, that Darren, Pav, Dale, Dave, John, Jemma, Chris and Tom are the eight followers of the blog and I guess the key people are interested in me, so that's ok.
I'm gonna write one depressing thing now and then move on to something happier so look away now.
At the moment, I'm experiencing a friend who seemingly has stopped talking to me and I'm not sure what I've done wrong. This gets me down.
Right...
itunes!
I have had itunes for a while now but I rarely used it, however last night I put about twenty albums on it. Today has been brilliant listening to full albums again as opposed to the odd track here and there. I used to listen to tons of albums before youtube and having anyone to talk to. I just used to spend everyday listening to different CD's but lately I've just have odd songs on shuffle. I rarely listen to CD's now. I love having the CD's digitalised and I fully plan to rip all 250+ albums to itunes but I've been holding off until I get a large external hard drive because I don't want to take up all my laptop's hard drive.
I uploaded a ton of Moby, Macy Gray, The Go! Team and Badly Drawn Boy and I love it. I do however feel like I'm starting to fall behind on my knowledge of music because I haven't listened to the radio in about 2-3 years so I don't hear new bands and I don't know when some of my current favourite artists have new material out. For example. I adored Royksopp's first album, I bought the second and I only listened to it like once and I realised yesterday that I've had it about 4 years now and that Royksopp have released two further albums since then. I'm not sure how I can start to get my knowledge up on new music again without radio because I just think that all dj's are fucktards.
On the topic of music, I had a couple of ideas for videos revolving around favourite music. It was either a desert Island Discs style video or a 51 things video but related to 51 favorite albums. I'm not sure if or when I'll do either. The 51 things video would probably be easier. Neither of them would be amusing. I feel a bit of an obligation to try to make funny videos for the people who are subscribed. I don't know if they'd be interested in a straight video.
Me and Tom decided earlier that an unnamed youtuber is an ugly little fucker. I like this!
Monday, 11 May 2009
Life Circle
I'm just so fed up today. Fed up of life.
This blog has nothing to do with people or insecurities. It's just about the monotony of day to day life. My life, more than most is a little empty however from what I observe, there aren't many people who live exciting and interesting lives. I think my feelings were reignited by iianardo's latest video. He just talks about routine and waiting for something interesting to happen. I know that feeling so so well!
The difference between us (apart from the obvious) is that Ian goes and looks for the interesting event. I let life's worries hold me back from ever exploring. Fear has held me back my whole life and how do you ever shake it off? The common advise is usually "You've just got to go and do it"! But how? How do you just stop being a certain way and ignore all doubts and worries? I really don't know that it's possible.
Ian to me, leads a pretty exciting life in comparison to me, he drives all over visiting people, he plays in a band, he seems to enjoy himself, and yet he is totally bored and looking for more. So where does that leave me? If I were to shake off some fears and start living, how long would it be before the new routine bores me? So do you continue to always pursue new things until it kills you? I read a lot of blogs by people taking exams and fretting about what lies on the horizon. I wish I could reassure them, however at twenty-five, I have no idea what life is all about and how to make the most of it. I don't know if anyone is truly satisfied with their lives.
Again, I use Alex Day as an example of somebody who seems to be really making life exciting for himself. To some extent, he has been extremely lucky achieving "fame" on youtube, which seems to allow him financially to survive without a job and allowing him to travel all over the world. I wonder how many people with £800 in the bank, would throw it away for three days in Australia? But that experience of flying to a foreign country, partying with unfamiliar people and tasting a new culture for just a little bit is surely more rewarding than buying a big plasma tv or some material goods. In years to come, those experiences will really matter.
So why do people live day to day without making anything happen for themselves, why do we accept the day to day routine we become tangled up in? Is it a fear of death? Are we to afraid to end it and get out? I think it is. I think we are too afraid of life and of death which seems to lead to a vicious circle of averageness.
Well, I hope that's cheered you all up. Let me know what you think, am I right? If not, what do you think?
This blog has nothing to do with people or insecurities. It's just about the monotony of day to day life. My life, more than most is a little empty however from what I observe, there aren't many people who live exciting and interesting lives. I think my feelings were reignited by iianardo's latest video. He just talks about routine and waiting for something interesting to happen. I know that feeling so so well!
The difference between us (apart from the obvious) is that Ian goes and looks for the interesting event. I let life's worries hold me back from ever exploring. Fear has held me back my whole life and how do you ever shake it off? The common advise is usually "You've just got to go and do it"! But how? How do you just stop being a certain way and ignore all doubts and worries? I really don't know that it's possible.
Ian to me, leads a pretty exciting life in comparison to me, he drives all over visiting people, he plays in a band, he seems to enjoy himself, and yet he is totally bored and looking for more. So where does that leave me? If I were to shake off some fears and start living, how long would it be before the new routine bores me? So do you continue to always pursue new things until it kills you? I read a lot of blogs by people taking exams and fretting about what lies on the horizon. I wish I could reassure them, however at twenty-five, I have no idea what life is all about and how to make the most of it. I don't know if anyone is truly satisfied with their lives.
Again, I use Alex Day as an example of somebody who seems to be really making life exciting for himself. To some extent, he has been extremely lucky achieving "fame" on youtube, which seems to allow him financially to survive without a job and allowing him to travel all over the world. I wonder how many people with £800 in the bank, would throw it away for three days in Australia? But that experience of flying to a foreign country, partying with unfamiliar people and tasting a new culture for just a little bit is surely more rewarding than buying a big plasma tv or some material goods. In years to come, those experiences will really matter.
So why do people live day to day without making anything happen for themselves, why do we accept the day to day routine we become tangled up in? Is it a fear of death? Are we to afraid to end it and get out? I think it is. I think we are too afraid of life and of death which seems to lead to a vicious circle of averageness.
Well, I hope that's cheered you all up. Let me know what you think, am I right? If not, what do you think?
Saturday, 9 May 2009
A break from football
I feel a little forgotten by some people at times. Just sometimes I wonder if I didn't make contact with certain people, would they ever come to me, would if just be casual and unimportant. Anyway, just an observation, I don't want to drone on again so I'll leave it there.
I feel like I want to move on to another subject now but other than my paranoia and feelings of being unloved, I often can't think of much to put in this blog. I wonder which blogs people enjoy reading the most and what is it about them that they enjoy?
Personally I enjoy reading Alex's blog simply because he leads such a full life and it's nice to hear about everything he gets up to. Obviously, he can grate at times as he often writes his opinions down as if they are fact and I know that he gets to people sometimes but ultimately, I enjoy reading a blog that is more eventful than the majority. I also enjoy reading Ginger Chris' blog, even though you only get an entry 4 or 5 times a year. Chris is such a brilliant writer and manages to successfully convert his great sense of humour in to his blog, it always makes it a good read.
Well then, back to Soccer Saturday.
I feel like I want to move on to another subject now but other than my paranoia and feelings of being unloved, I often can't think of much to put in this blog. I wonder which blogs people enjoy reading the most and what is it about them that they enjoy?
Personally I enjoy reading Alex's blog simply because he leads such a full life and it's nice to hear about everything he gets up to. Obviously, he can grate at times as he often writes his opinions down as if they are fact and I know that he gets to people sometimes but ultimately, I enjoy reading a blog that is more eventful than the majority. I also enjoy reading Ginger Chris' blog, even though you only get an entry 4 or 5 times a year. Chris is such a brilliant writer and manages to successfully convert his great sense of humour in to his blog, it always makes it a good read.
Well then, back to Soccer Saturday.
Friday, 8 May 2009
I never know what to title my blogs!
I wondered how long it had been since I posted a annoying, whiny blog about how everyone is wrong and I am right. Not long apparently. I suddenly found myself irritated this evening by a series of things, I wish I could be as open in my blogs as certain others are however because I know these problems are often self created, I'd rather just be vague if you don't mind.
My biggest problem in life is dealing with change. I think I decided this evening that I liked things better 12 months ago. I knew where I stood with people then and I had a pretty clear understanding of my friends and what they thought of me. Lets just say, I've always been friends with people on one to one terms, possibly because I'm self absorbed and I like all their attention to be on me, as time has gone on and friendships have mixed, while I do enjoy it. Sometimes I want to break things up and be separate again.
You notice with certain people how time has changed your friendship. With certain people, you get used to being their 'go to' guy and just recently with one person in particular, I've noticed that when they are looking for conversation, I am no longer near the top of the list. I guess that gets to me. It can also be worse when they start to turn to other mutual friends because you feel like, time has moved forward and they've realised they like someone better. I don't know if that shocks me, but it does hurt a bit. Group friendships are difficult when you've spent your life having very few close friends who never mixed with each other. Maybe I'm still like a kid who is finding it hard to share.
I'm not hugely depressed or down at the moment, just having a difficult day where I want to separate things and reaffirm individual friendships, maybe I feel unable to do that at the moment because group conversations have almost become habit. Maybe these are feelings unique to me. But I don't understand how people are able to exist in large friendship groups and feel important or to not feel like certain people leave you behind? I think the gist of what I'm saying is there, it's not structured particularly well but it's late and I don't really know exactly what I'm trying to say.
On a separate note. After paying attention to one particular twitterer today, I was informed that they were surprised I had shown such an interest because as they put it "I thought he didn't like people?" I didn't like to disappoint so I rectified the situation immediately.
Night
My biggest problem in life is dealing with change. I think I decided this evening that I liked things better 12 months ago. I knew where I stood with people then and I had a pretty clear understanding of my friends and what they thought of me. Lets just say, I've always been friends with people on one to one terms, possibly because I'm self absorbed and I like all their attention to be on me, as time has gone on and friendships have mixed, while I do enjoy it. Sometimes I want to break things up and be separate again.
You notice with certain people how time has changed your friendship. With certain people, you get used to being their 'go to' guy and just recently with one person in particular, I've noticed that when they are looking for conversation, I am no longer near the top of the list. I guess that gets to me. It can also be worse when they start to turn to other mutual friends because you feel like, time has moved forward and they've realised they like someone better. I don't know if that shocks me, but it does hurt a bit. Group friendships are difficult when you've spent your life having very few close friends who never mixed with each other. Maybe I'm still like a kid who is finding it hard to share.
I'm not hugely depressed or down at the moment, just having a difficult day where I want to separate things and reaffirm individual friendships, maybe I feel unable to do that at the moment because group conversations have almost become habit. Maybe these are feelings unique to me. But I don't understand how people are able to exist in large friendship groups and feel important or to not feel like certain people leave you behind? I think the gist of what I'm saying is there, it's not structured particularly well but it's late and I don't really know exactly what I'm trying to say.
On a separate note. After paying attention to one particular twitterer today, I was informed that they were surprised I had shown such an interest because as they put it "I thought he didn't like people?" I didn't like to disappoint so I rectified the situation immediately.
Night
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
