memo

I feel like Muriel Heslop, but don't worry, I'm not gonna steal money and follow you there. I'll just sit in my room listening to Abba probably.

I am Kofi Annan, and I bring you Fire!

You know, seeing as my blog is becomming more and more obsure dipping from a embarrassing 10 subscriptions to a lowly 8, I feel I should be able to articulate my full thoughts about the whole elite debate. But we know it doesn't work that way, whether it's true that the group can be closed off or not, I think there's certainly a grain of truth in what's being said. I just think people need to be more objective and impartial when contemplating the context of what has already been said.

I'll keep my full thoughts censored however I would just say that nobody has an obligation to intergrate with others, the community is a bit of a myth and it's only there if you want it, I don't see being closed off as a bad thing, it's fair enough to want to be with your friends at gatherings, afterall they live all over the UK so you take every opportunity you can get but you should be aware that it probably can make you appear unapproachable. But unless you created the gathering and made it open to all then you have no duty to talk to people you don't know. If on the other hand, you did invite everyone but would rather hang out with your friends, that's fine but stop advertising it to everybody.

I think it's understandable after such a long period of time, people will have found groups of friends and that now they are firmly established, sometimes you do have to question exactly why a lot of the higher subscribed people are all in the same friendship group? Is it because they just have more accessability to eachother? I guess what I'm saying is, if a well known youtuber made an effort to befriend another highly subscribed youtuber, they would likely have more luck than an unknown youtuber. I think that because I've seen it.

None of what I am saying is aimed at anyone in particular, just merely trying to look at things in a more balanced manner. Defending yourself against an unfounded accusation to me just seems like people trying to make sure people know they are in this elite group that's being banded about. It all seems rather unnecesary. Having said that, it is rather fun.

Example:-



And also... Lex ^__^

A message

Everyone cares for you and everyone will be there to comfort you if you want it. Take your time and deal with it, don't feel the need to try to forget and move on. Grieving is important, family is important. The Internet, cartoons and podcasts are not important.

I so wished I could have been there last night. I felt powerless to help. But remember that we're here night and day if you need us.

Love you x

___________________________

I AM NOT HERE

Don't stand by my grave and weep,
For I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning, hush.
For I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circle flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.

I do wonder sometimes

Sometimes you question your relationships with people. While never feeling close to some people, you do tend to wonder whether they are interested in being your friend at all. So sometimes when you ask for help, you should specify who you want help from. I always realise that I'm not who you'd want calling and that's why I don't but I do care and so if I try to help in someway, please at least acknowledge that I've tried, it's simple, I text you, you text me back, it's quite simple really.

This is not a big thing btw, but just an annoyance. Like I say, I'm not trying to be your best friend, just trying to show that I am a friend and I do care and if you don't want me to, just tell me, it'll make it easier for both of us.

OMG

Someone made fanart for youtooners and it looks amazing!!!


YouTooners by ~MonfiFaerie on deviantART

The Group

I just read a blog by Jade about the elusive group that has formed on youtube over the last year. I thought it was very interesting because it's a subject I've been thinking about a fair bit over recent days.

I don't really know where to start or even how to articulate my feelings towards the group. Frankly I don't have any issues with people being part of this group and I don't really feel as though it is elitist and unaccepting of new members, if anything I think one of the reasons I feel so disassociated with a group that maybe used to contain just a few when I first met people is because too many people became part of it. Personally, as I've stated before, I am not comfortable in large groups and so part of my problem with people stemmed purely because the group I became comfortable with became uncomfortable.

That was never anybodies fault, nobody did anything wrong, and I can't help my natural reactions when presented with many new people.

I do think that because stickam used to be such a large part of the online community, that's how many people integrated into the group and because stickam is now dead, the group has kinda stopped growing and the friendships are now firmly established. I was having a chat with Mhazz last night and was saying how part of what I miss about the group is that feeling of togetherness that we had when we all met up nightly on stickam and that now everything feels fragmented and you don't know where everybody disappears to of a night. Because that hub has gone, it doesn't force people to be a friendship group where you can grow to like and accept people. Now it feels more like there are groups within the 'group' that filter off in separate directions and while it might be easier to talk only to the few you actually want to, I can't help but feel that it causes paranoia in the wider group.

As for my part in the group. I don't really feel a part of it anymore and that is due to my problems socially. Because there are so many meet ups and I can't be part of them, I gradually feel pushed out more and more as each gathering happens. The 'core' group that I got to know in October 2007 doesn't feel so close to me as they once did but that's really not their fault. It's just very difficult for me to constantly hear of new meetups when I can't be part of them. People just chatting about them in general hurts because it's people I would dearly love to spend time with that I just can't and while I am not at these events I feel like people are strengthening their friendships and I'm gradually being forgotten about among the people I really care about.

I really have no direction in this blog, while I can explain my feelings to people on skype, It's very difficult to structure them in a blog because it's a whole jumble of emotions running around my head and now more than ever, I find it difficult to deal with the distance between the people I talk to the most.

I feel a bit lost with this blog and I don't really know what I'm trying to say or where I'm going with it, so I think I'll leave it there for now.

Entry #47

I think I'll use this blog entry to show my appreciation of my real friends, the people online that I am 100% positive of their friendship, it's difficult online to know who your real friends are, I have a large number of contacts through the Internet however I don't think I'd even need one hand to count the people who are my true friends. Three people in particular have been real friends to me in recent times. So to PJ, Dale and John, I'd like to actually thank you for being my friends and making sure I never doubted it. I know at times I can be difficult and before just recently we had a little fall out, but at no point did I ever think that you didn't want to be my friend and that you didn't like me.

To be honest, there aren't too many others who I feel so certain about, not necessarily that I doubt my thoughts and feelings about them, more so the other way around, sometimes I may speak to you, all seems good but sometimes it just feels one way, that's all.

Tubthumping

Recently I've made up with most people, had some nice chats with some of my favourite people, all seemed good. But you know it's so easy to be knocked down again, probably unintentonally and maybe I'm easier to knock down than others. Unfortunately I was knocked down again today. Despite this, I'm gonna make an effort to try to get passed it, because I can't change it.

Blog where I say stuff about people

I wanted to say names here like "you're a twat Dale" but apparently that's not how it works.

• You're a twat Dale
• Your my best friend and the person I've spoken to for the longest, we have a load in common and I'm gutted we don't live closer to each other cos it'd be awesome
• Your legs are well nice like seriously nice legs, I'd totally bone you if my mate wasn't about to.
• People left you out in the past and I never liked it, I used to storm out in protest so don't think I've deserted you, you just don't need me so much anymore.
• I met you, your one of the few people I have met and I knew from that point on that I'd always love your arse.
• I've never met you and I never want to, from what I hear, you're as irritating as I am irrational.
• I fell out with you ages ago, I doubt we'll ever make up because it's been months.
• You have long hair and a face and people don't like your face or you.
• I enjoy our rare chats because our personalities are similar and we both love to slag people off, we should do it more and then be nice to their faces LOLLOLOLOL.
• Your apparently annoying but I still would, but then look at the state of me, that's probably not a compliment.
• We met a year or so ago and for a time we spoke quite a lot, we hardly ever talk now because I never quite know what you think of me, for some reason I feel like you tolerate me and that's about it.
  
• I wont talk to you because the police might arrest me.
• You've worked so hard and I think I've shown you how much I appreciate it, were it not for this project, we wouldn't have a problem. I was gutted when I couldn't meet you.
• You're from Cyprus, I like you in a sexual way but I also like your personality which is a bit odd seeing as you are a girl and everything.
• I was lucky enough to find a good friend from Ireland, I always wanted one, sometimes I think cos your young that talking to you would be weird but it never is.
• My god, you are a goddess and should probably rule the world
• People say it's gay that I love you inappropriately but I just say this "look at him, just look at him ffs"
• As far as I'm concerned what happened recently was because you were getting involved in something you had no right to and I'm still angry with you and you'll have to be the one to change that. I do hope you will because your one of the only people I've met and I do like a nice big hug once and a while.
• You live the closest to me and it makes me think we should be closer, I think we struggle to find things to talk about but I don't know why, I hope we do hang out more in the future, I'm a ferry ride away.
• We don't talk much anymore, that's because stickam died a long time ago.
• You have a weird mouth, it overtakes your face.
• I've never actually liked you, and maybe I judge people too soon but from what I hear, my suspicions about you were right.
• I'm so glad you seem to be conquering your social problems, have fun and don't be afraid to talk to me, you're one of the ones I like!
• You're hilarious and you don't realise it!
• My god, how could I possibly forget you? I love you, I'm glad you're getting regular sex now. Thanks for chatting to me last night, I needed a friend and you were there for me.
  

New years messages

Unfortunately I only recieved two, I was very happy to recieve any to be honest, PJ sent me one saying 'everyone wished I was there', which is probably not true but nice to hear anyway. But I think the most moving new years message I recieved was from Tom Burns, it was a beautiful message that simply read 'Happy Birthday'

Me thinks he'd drunk a little last night, I got pissed on Lambrini, because I'm just that classy.