Feeling unimportant

Sometimes I feel like I go out of my way to make my friends know that they mean the world to me. Whether is just buying them little presents to show them you are thinking about them or buying them big presents under a false impression you could make the friendship tighter. Even if it's just saying 'I'm happy that you are my friend' once in a while. It's things like this I feel I am pretty good at. I don't have to buy people things and maybe I do it partly out of insecurity, the feeling that they don't think much of me, but ultimately I do it because I care and I want to buy a little gift once in a while. Sometimes I don't feel I get what I give, I know people are different and just because people don't say, doesn't mean they don't feel. But I don't know if I feel the same strength of friendship in return.

Times come along where you question things and more so in friendships where distance is involved. Maybe you see people going out of their way to see eachother but not going out of their way once it comes to you. Sometimes it feels like people use excuses to avoid spending some time with you and you can't shake off the idea that they wouldn't use those excuses in the case of other friends. I've tried pretty hard to orginise things but feel like their is just apathy in return and is that because I don't really matter? This is triggered by events but isn't really aimed at one particular person, I just sometimes feel I go out of my way to make my friends know... I sometimes need that too.