I wondered how long it had been since I posted a annoying, whiny blog about how everyone is wrong and I am right. Not long apparently. I suddenly found myself irritated this evening by a series of things, I wish I could be as open in my blogs as certain others are however because I know these problems are often self created, I'd rather just be vague if you don't mind.
My biggest problem in life is dealing with change. I think I decided this evening that I liked things better 12 months ago. I knew where I stood with people then and I had a pretty clear understanding of my friends and what they thought of me. Lets just say, I've always been friends with people on one to one terms, possibly because I'm self absorbed and I like all their attention to be on me, as time has gone on and friendships have mixed, while I do enjoy it. Sometimes I want to break things up and be separate again.
You notice with certain people how time has changed your friendship. With certain people, you get used to being their 'go to' guy and just recently with one person in particular, I've noticed that when they are looking for conversation, I am no longer near the top of the list. I guess that gets to me. It can also be worse when they start to turn to other mutual friends because you feel like, time has moved forward and they've realised they like someone better. I don't know if that shocks me, but it does hurt a bit. Group friendships are difficult when you've spent your life having very few close friends who never mixed with each other. Maybe I'm still like a kid who is finding it hard to share.
I'm not hugely depressed or down at the moment, just having a difficult day where I want to separate things and reaffirm individual friendships, maybe I feel unable to do that at the moment because group conversations have almost become habit. Maybe these are feelings unique to me. But I don't understand how people are able to exist in large friendship groups and feel important or to not feel like certain people leave you behind? I think the gist of what I'm saying is there, it's not structured particularly well but it's late and I don't really know exactly what I'm trying to say.
On a separate note. After paying attention to one particular twitterer today, I was informed that they were surprised I had shown such an interest because as they put it "I thought he didn't like people?" I didn't like to disappoint so I rectified the situation immediately.
Night
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
I think with having a large group of friends is that there's always going to be someone feeling like they're not as important/left behind. This can often change aswell, one day you'll be king of the group but next you'll be the one in the corner just listening to others speak. It largely depends on the situation and what you as a person's strengths and weakness' are. It's a case of persiverance (dunno how you spell that). People never just forget about someone but sometimes if things go quiet between them they're scared to just start up the friendship where they left off.
I think i confused some of my points in that but i can't be bothered to re-read it.
<3
Post a Comment