The Group

I just read a blog by Jade about the elusive group that has formed on youtube over the last year. I thought it was very interesting because it's a subject I've been thinking about a fair bit over recent days.

I don't really know where to start or even how to articulate my feelings towards the group. Frankly I don't have any issues with people being part of this group and I don't really feel as though it is elitist and unaccepting of new members, if anything I think one of the reasons I feel so disassociated with a group that maybe used to contain just a few when I first met people is because too many people became part of it. Personally, as I've stated before, I am not comfortable in large groups and so part of my problem with people stemmed purely because the group I became comfortable with became uncomfortable.

That was never anybodies fault, nobody did anything wrong, and I can't help my natural reactions when presented with many new people.

I do think that because stickam used to be such a large part of the online community, that's how many people integrated into the group and because stickam is now dead, the group has kinda stopped growing and the friendships are now firmly established. I was having a chat with Mhazz last night and was saying how part of what I miss about the group is that feeling of togetherness that we had when we all met up nightly on stickam and that now everything feels fragmented and you don't know where everybody disappears to of a night. Because that hub has gone, it doesn't force people to be a friendship group where you can grow to like and accept people. Now it feels more like there are groups within the 'group' that filter off in separate directions and while it might be easier to talk only to the few you actually want to, I can't help but feel that it causes paranoia in the wider group.

As for my part in the group. I don't really feel a part of it anymore and that is due to my problems socially. Because there are so many meet ups and I can't be part of them, I gradually feel pushed out more and more as each gathering happens. The 'core' group that I got to know in October 2007 doesn't feel so close to me as they once did but that's really not their fault. It's just very difficult for me to constantly hear of new meetups when I can't be part of them. People just chatting about them in general hurts because it's people I would dearly love to spend time with that I just can't and while I am not at these events I feel like people are strengthening their friendships and I'm gradually being forgotten about among the people I really care about.

I really have no direction in this blog, while I can explain my feelings to people on skype, It's very difficult to structure them in a blog because it's a whole jumble of emotions running around my head and now more than ever, I find it difficult to deal with the distance between the people I talk to the most.

I feel a bit lost with this blog and I don't really know what I'm trying to say or where I'm going with it, so I think I'll leave it there for now.