So the new years honours list was released today and it was like reading the nominees for the sports personality of the year competition. Lewis Hamilton MBE, A guy who no longer even lives in this Country and Chris Hoy who won three gold medals riding a bike in a circle. Fair enough, I appreciate the hard work these people have put in to be the best in their field however does it really qualify them to receive such huge honours?
I was just listening to talksport and they were asking the very same question, however they kept saying that people in football deserve it more, your Kenny Dalgish's and what nots, for my money, I don't see why a footballer is any more deserving than a cyclist, in fact aren't the natural rewards you get from these sports enough? How incredible is it to do a sport you love for a living? How amazing is it to win three gold medals and the most prestigious sporting competition in the world, the adulation you receive from the media and the public when you win. And as for footballers, the top footballers earn £60,000+ every week while tons or regular hard working people wish they could be in their shoes. They have a natural talent that in the grand scheme of life is pretty unimportant and they get rewarded handsomely for it, so why do they deserve MBE's, OBE'S, CBE's, Knighthoods and whatever else they can hand out? They don't!
How about giving knighthoods to the brave people who go and fight the wars we start, who risk their lives in the name of this Country in some pretty unpopular conflicts. How about giving knighthoods to teachers who dedicate their lives to trying to give the youth of this nation a good education before they grow up to want to be Jordan. Why don't nurses deserve to become dame's they work really hard looking after the sick people who live in this Country and they get paid a pittance especially in comparison with these footballers that play two games a in three days and complain of fatigue, they can fuck right off as far as I'm concerned.
Lets just give these honours to people who really deserve them rather than feeding celebrity ego's even more?
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
New Year
It seems pretty strange to wish everybody a happy new year after all these depressing posts but I do hope that all the people I care about have a really great 2009 and I hope I can be a part of it in some way. It's not that I don't want the people I don't care about to have a good 2009, I just don't particularly care, either way it'd be nice if everybody could get what they want, apart from the scum, they can just die in 2009. Hitler had the right idea but the wrong target, lets cleanse the world of all the scummy arseholes who get suspended sentences for assault and whatever other ridiculously soft "punishments" this Country hands out.
Anyway, happy new year and shit
Anyway, happy new year and shit
Change
Things change, that's life. I dislike change immensely although I'm sure I need it at times. I desperately want to be more specific and name names but I just don't feel like I can. But sometimes I cant help but think when people form friendships, they inevitably weaken friendships with other people. I don't think it's possible for that friends sitcom style friendship group, where everybody likes each other the same amount and nobody feels insecure and isolated. I guess when your used to having somebody to yourself, you don't want to all of a sudden share with other people.
Am watching top of the pops, Reggie and Fern should just fuck off. Also it's possible to be so good at singing that you ruin a song, learn that Leona.
Am watching top of the pops, Reggie and Fern should just fuck off. Also it's possible to be so good at singing that you ruin a song, learn that Leona.
This isolation lark
So I've not been about online for a while now, in fact only about five days but in online terms between people who spend many hours online each day, five days is quite a while and the things that constantly grates on me is the fact that nobody actually cares, for all they know, something bad might have happened, I know when certain of my online friends haven't been online for a day or two, I actually start to worry that something has happened, maybe that's because I worry too much, who knows.
As I write this I think to myself, Christ, I sound like I want people's attention all of the time and I don't think that's true, I just want to feel like I matter to the people who matter to me.
Being away from the social aspects of the Internet is a good and bad thing, It's good that I am actually getting to watch TV and know when programmes are on, yes tv is not great these days but there's still plenty to watch, being on msn/skype all the time just takes your attention away from what you like on TV. I watched the Shooting Stars night tonight on BBC2 and was in tears of laughter remembering how good it was, then I watched the brand new episode, It was okay but it's not the same, it's never really worked without Mark Lamarr and I think it was just perfect for that time in the 90's when people wasn't used to this "Random" comedy. Now of course with the Mighty Boosh and such, it's popular and trendy to try and make comedy weird and nonsensical, so now TV is full of twats trying to be clever and off the wall, hense why T4 is now unwatchable, fuck off and bring back Dermott O'Leary and Margareta Taylor.
It's also good because I can write blogs, usually I feel like I have nothing to write about however it's more likely that it's easier to blog when your emotions are all over the place and you constantly think about things, and I guess when you have nobody to vent to, it's easy to vent your feelings by writing them down. I also feel like I have to write lots of blogs now that I've stated I'm gonna go for an Alex Day blog explosion.
I guess what's bad is that without talking to people, it's so easy to feel forgotten and isolated from everybody, I think tomorrow will be the first new years eve probably ever that I'll actually be a little sad that I'm not out with friends, I guess I never really had "friends" plural in the past to feel as though I'm greatly missing out. But it's not possible for me to get there really, it's too bigger step and it's at a time where I've certainly fallen out with one person and who knows who else. I'll just have to think about all the people going that I'd really rather not spend the night with and maybe that'll take some of the disappointment away.
I can't think of much more to say, I want to be able to finish one of these blogs like Alex does where he says "This person just phoned me and now I feel happy again"
hmmmm
As I write this I think to myself, Christ, I sound like I want people's attention all of the time and I don't think that's true, I just want to feel like I matter to the people who matter to me.
Being away from the social aspects of the Internet is a good and bad thing, It's good that I am actually getting to watch TV and know when programmes are on, yes tv is not great these days but there's still plenty to watch, being on msn/skype all the time just takes your attention away from what you like on TV. I watched the Shooting Stars night tonight on BBC2 and was in tears of laughter remembering how good it was, then I watched the brand new episode, It was okay but it's not the same, it's never really worked without Mark Lamarr and I think it was just perfect for that time in the 90's when people wasn't used to this "Random" comedy. Now of course with the Mighty Boosh and such, it's popular and trendy to try and make comedy weird and nonsensical, so now TV is full of twats trying to be clever and off the wall, hense why T4 is now unwatchable, fuck off and bring back Dermott O'Leary and Margareta Taylor.
It's also good because I can write blogs, usually I feel like I have nothing to write about however it's more likely that it's easier to blog when your emotions are all over the place and you constantly think about things, and I guess when you have nobody to vent to, it's easy to vent your feelings by writing them down. I also feel like I have to write lots of blogs now that I've stated I'm gonna go for an Alex Day blog explosion.
I guess what's bad is that without talking to people, it's so easy to feel forgotten and isolated from everybody, I think tomorrow will be the first new years eve probably ever that I'll actually be a little sad that I'm not out with friends, I guess I never really had "friends" plural in the past to feel as though I'm greatly missing out. But it's not possible for me to get there really, it's too bigger step and it's at a time where I've certainly fallen out with one person and who knows who else. I'll just have to think about all the people going that I'd really rather not spend the night with and maybe that'll take some of the disappointment away.
I can't think of much more to say, I want to be able to finish one of these blogs like Alex does where he says "This person just phoned me and now I feel happy again"
hmmmm
Monday, 29 December 2008
Some things
I heard from a little birdie that episode one of youtoon was in line to be featured but Jamie thought it was a little long, I can understand that, I would have thought that the Christmas message was worth a feature, as much as I love somegreybloke and I really do, does he really need any more exposure? I was hoping that youtube might give exposure to something which I believe is innovative, is centred around youtube and is fresh, ok it pokes fun at youtube but then it is satire. Seriously, I've no problem with them featuring somegreybloke, but Gibbo's rehash of a pretty uninspired concept for the second year running was worth the feature but youtoon wasn't? Opening a wine bottle with a sword was more feature worthy? It does make me wonder about the people in charge sometimes.
So, new years is round the corner and I thought I'd make a list of some things I'd quite like for 2009, not goals, just wishes really.
* To be able to socialise on a more frequent basis
* To travel somewhere further than Southampton.
* To meet somebody
* For supposed friends to care when I am down, whether they believe I am being petty or melodramatic, just to actually put that aside and care that I'm unhappy.
* To learn how to drive, and not killing anybody, including myself
* To gain some popularity on youtube in my own right rather than off the back of others.
* To lose a ton of weight
* To finally learn how to play that guitar.
* To spend less time on the computer.
* To be less jealous of other people's relationships
* To make a video of genuine creativity, style and something more interesting than a vlog.
* To finally get my hands of some um bongo
I'll bet there are plenty more wishes that'll come to mind when I stop writing this but for now, they will do.
So, new years is round the corner and I thought I'd make a list of some things I'd quite like for 2009, not goals, just wishes really.
* To be able to socialise on a more frequent basis
* To travel somewhere further than Southampton.
* To meet somebody
* For supposed friends to care when I am down, whether they believe I am being petty or melodramatic, just to actually put that aside and care that I'm unhappy.
* To learn how to drive, and not killing anybody, including myself
* To gain some popularity on youtube in my own right rather than off the back of others.
* To lose a ton of weight
* To finally learn how to play that guitar.
* To spend less time on the computer.
* To be less jealous of other people's relationships
* To make a video of genuine creativity, style and something more interesting than a vlog.
* To finally get my hands of some um bongo
I'll bet there are plenty more wishes that'll come to mind when I stop writing this but for now, they will do.
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Further more
I am pretty bored and low at the moment and probably paranoid and melodramatic too so these posts I am writing with stay unpublished until I start to feel differently by which time I shall unleash a barrage of blogs in an Alex Day style. I feel like I want to make the accusations that I'm believing to be true in my head but I should imagine that people will say I'm acting stupid whether I'm right or wrong so I guess I'll continue to be cryptic but I would liken the event in my last post to those occasions when you get stuck talking to somebody in the street and you make an excuse just to be able to leave, other people are more exciting to talk to than I am but I guess at a time when somebody is feeling alienated you should make an extra effort to show them they matter. Or maybe it wasn't an excuse and I am paranoid, I certainly wouldn't rule that out but when people stop talking to you, your mind cooks up theories or mine does anyway.
The past year has been unique for me in several ways. Firstly I've made friends on the internet, I never used to think of that being possible or even something I'd want to do. I know that people including myself used to think online friendships and relationships were stupid and the people involved were pretty sad. I still subscribe to the theory that online relationships are untenable and slightly sad, not an initial contact but the belief that the relationship is worthwhile when you live nowhere near each other and never see each other, I think it's an easy option for people who spend too much time on the internet and wont go out and meet real people. While that is partly true for online friendships, I think the reasonably new world of online interaction has made friendships strong, you speak often, you know what people look like, where they live, what they do. In every way it's like a normal friendship except you don't get the vital aspect of friendship and that is human contact. As fantastic as it can be to talk to some people online, nothing compares to being in the same place hanging out, just to be in the company of somebody you care about means so much and you can't get it online. "so come meet people" they say with absolutely zero understanding of me and why I've gotten to where I am in my life, It's as easy as that for you but not me, so being on the edge of friendships watching from the outside as people meet and become closer isn't easy because I know that while other bonds are strengthening, I feel lost, I guess that's nobodies fault but mine however people need to understand also that it's not a situation I like and enjoy and If I could be an outward, easy going traveller then for sure I'd chose that but I'm 25 and for the past six years I've not just been the opposite to that, but to extremes, I spent a three month period in 2007 when I couldn't go in my back garden and so to think that I can just do what you do is not possible for me, So it's not always me who wants to be left out, it's just who I am.
At this point in time, I'd rather just be on my own without the friendships that are constantly making me question peoples opinions of me, oh yes I'm sure it's nice to feel secure about friendships but unfortunately I never have felt very secure because I don't have any friends and so maybe it's understandable that I'm always expecting my friends to get bored of me and cast me aside or just forget about me, because that's happened in every friendship I've ever had.
The past year has been unique for me in several ways. Firstly I've made friends on the internet, I never used to think of that being possible or even something I'd want to do. I know that people including myself used to think online friendships and relationships were stupid and the people involved were pretty sad. I still subscribe to the theory that online relationships are untenable and slightly sad, not an initial contact but the belief that the relationship is worthwhile when you live nowhere near each other and never see each other, I think it's an easy option for people who spend too much time on the internet and wont go out and meet real people. While that is partly true for online friendships, I think the reasonably new world of online interaction has made friendships strong, you speak often, you know what people look like, where they live, what they do. In every way it's like a normal friendship except you don't get the vital aspect of friendship and that is human contact. As fantastic as it can be to talk to some people online, nothing compares to being in the same place hanging out, just to be in the company of somebody you care about means so much and you can't get it online. "so come meet people" they say with absolutely zero understanding of me and why I've gotten to where I am in my life, It's as easy as that for you but not me, so being on the edge of friendships watching from the outside as people meet and become closer isn't easy because I know that while other bonds are strengthening, I feel lost, I guess that's nobodies fault but mine however people need to understand also that it's not a situation I like and enjoy and If I could be an outward, easy going traveller then for sure I'd chose that but I'm 25 and for the past six years I've not just been the opposite to that, but to extremes, I spent a three month period in 2007 when I couldn't go in my back garden and so to think that I can just do what you do is not possible for me, So it's not always me who wants to be left out, it's just who I am.
At this point in time, I'd rather just be on my own without the friendships that are constantly making me question peoples opinions of me, oh yes I'm sure it's nice to feel secure about friendships but unfortunately I never have felt very secure because I don't have any friends and so maybe it's understandable that I'm always expecting my friends to get bored of me and cast me aside or just forget about me, because that's happened in every friendship I've ever had.
Saturday, 27 December 2008
Fobbed off
Ever get the feeling people have better things to do than associate with you, so they fob you off with excuses of why they must leave, but you realise, they'd probably just rather talk to somebody else. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I doubt it.
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Not in the Christmas spirit
It's Christmas Day now, it's 3:44 and the events of the past two days have really ruined this Christmas for me. Today of all days should be a happy one and while I admit that my moods are easily affected, this has come at a rather rotten time and now I just have negativity and paranoia running through my thoughts. For the record, The choices you made today rather hurt because our friendship has run longer and I thought stronger.
Christmas hasn't been exciting for many years but at least it's a time for family and usually friendship, unfortunately that has weakened at the worst possible time, I will try to focus today on my family who truly care about me and wont ever let me down.
So today will be routine, crappy gifts, gluttony and falling asleep in the afternoon, and when the day is over it'll be deflating, I hate new years, I'm always on my own for it, have been for the past 10 years, to be honest before now, there hadn't been anyone for me to celebrate it with nor has there ever been anything to celebrate, and again this year while others are enjoying themselves at new years parties, I'll be reflecting again on a year of progress but of ultimate failure and disappointment. It's probably best that I'll be alone.
Christmas hasn't been exciting for many years but at least it's a time for family and usually friendship, unfortunately that has weakened at the worst possible time, I will try to focus today on my family who truly care about me and wont ever let me down.
So today will be routine, crappy gifts, gluttony and falling asleep in the afternoon, and when the day is over it'll be deflating, I hate new years, I'm always on my own for it, have been for the past 10 years, to be honest before now, there hadn't been anyone for me to celebrate it with nor has there ever been anything to celebrate, and again this year while others are enjoying themselves at new years parties, I'll be reflecting again on a year of progress but of ultimate failure and disappointment. It's probably best that I'll be alone.
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
So I'm the bad guy
It would seem people have me pegged out as the bad guy in all this and you know what, all that time he's spending doing the cartoon, I'm doing exactly the same and it's boring and do you know what, It's probably more boring for me because I get no personal accomplishment from it, I can't physically affect what's happening and when I hear that I'm holding him back from Skyping, that's not fair on him, yet at no point do people want to talk to me, so because I'm not wanted I'm dispensable. There are time limits, that's unfortunate, I'm fed up with it all. No more!
Saturday, 20 December 2008
I just remembered
In my dream last night, I was gonna do heroin with Jeff Buckley and his mate. but I chickened out and Jeff OD'd and I had to run shouting for help. It's weird cos I think he actually drowned and I don't own a Jeff Buckley CD and I barely know what he looks like apart from good looking. But I love how inventive dreams can be.
Friday, 19 December 2008
Scrooged
I feel like I should write more blogs but I cant for the life of me think of enough things to talk about so the majority of my latest blogs just unfold without a predetermined subject to write about.
It's the 19th December today and I can't quite believe just how fast the Christmas holidays are passing by, I have tried to force myself to watch Christmas films and play Christmas songs but it just doesn't feel like Christmas and it feels less festive year after year. They say you don't really get that Christmas feeling again until you have children but due to my aparent repelling of the oposite sex, I can't quite believe that'll ever happen for me.
I have a little Christmas gift for one of you out there, I've not taken part in any secret santa but you are one of my best friends and I wanted to get you a little something. I'm so glad I met so many people this past year, My life was pretty lonely before November 07.
Gonna watch Scrooged tonight. Christmas isn't Christmas until I've seen Scrooged. Bill Murray is a genius! If you've not seen it yet, go watch it.
It's the 19th December today and I can't quite believe just how fast the Christmas holidays are passing by, I have tried to force myself to watch Christmas films and play Christmas songs but it just doesn't feel like Christmas and it feels less festive year after year. They say you don't really get that Christmas feeling again until you have children but due to my aparent repelling of the oposite sex, I can't quite believe that'll ever happen for me.
I have a little Christmas gift for one of you out there, I've not taken part in any secret santa but you are one of my best friends and I wanted to get you a little something. I'm so glad I met so many people this past year, My life was pretty lonely before November 07.
Gonna watch Scrooged tonight. Christmas isn't Christmas until I've seen Scrooged. Bill Murray is a genius! If you've not seen it yet, go watch it.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Success
So, you'll all know by now that I've been working on a youtube cartoon for months now along with PJ, Dave and to a lesser extent, Chris and Mhairi.
The success we've had in the first 36 hours is quite incredible, not just because of 1800+ subscribers, but more so the feedback they've given, out of over 400 comments we've had, I'd say 397 have been not just positive but exceptional, people are really loving it and it makes the hard work worth while.
It does however put plenty of pressure on now to follow up with something equally good, but I guess that's a pressure all cartoons have, I certainly appreciate the difficulties that popular cartoons now have, and even when you have the script, the animation process is ridiculously slow, unless we can find other animators to help out, that's one problem we'll have to live with.
I can't sleep, I should try, it's morning.
The success we've had in the first 36 hours is quite incredible, not just because of 1800+ subscribers, but more so the feedback they've given, out of over 400 comments we've had, I'd say 397 have been not just positive but exceptional, people are really loving it and it makes the hard work worth while.
It does however put plenty of pressure on now to follow up with something equally good, but I guess that's a pressure all cartoons have, I certainly appreciate the difficulties that popular cartoons now have, and even when you have the script, the animation process is ridiculously slow, unless we can find other animators to help out, that's one problem we'll have to live with.
I can't sleep, I should try, it's morning.
Monday, 1 December 2008
Well then
It's 7:01 as I write this and I haven't been able to sleep all night. I've just had a coffee and I'm wide awake. I might wrap the christmas presents in a bit because I'm just that prepared.
Regarding my last post, it will always be a recurring issue with me I think, and while many of the friends I have who read this blog will see it as me going off on one again, I would have appreciated more in the way of support be it a comment on the blog post, or just an email or phone call. I don't know whether people think it's best that I be left alone when I'm in that mood or whether they just don't care enough to get in contact with me.
I think I'm always going to feel left out with my social limitations and it's not easy seeing everybody forming close friendships as I get stuck with my own company and ultimately my own self pity, I guess I look for some extra care and attention online as I don't get to see you in the flesh, and I really enjoyed actually meeting you.
I don't really talk about my actual real life in this blog because I find it pretty embarrassing how little there is to tell. I've touched on the social anxiety a few times on this blog but most of you wont know how much it's actually held me back my adult life. I'm still not going to go into huge detail however I will say that 2008 has been hopefully my transistional year and I'm hoping for so much more in 2009. I can tell you that my outlook has started to brighten and my anxiety levels have dropped gradually this year and I'm starting to do things I would never have dreamed of taking on and I hope so much that nothing changes on that front.
At the risk of sounding wet, there are a select few who mean a great deal to me who I've met through youtube and stickam and as Christmas approaches I want to thank you all for putting up with me and being my friend because after 2007, I desperately needed some friends xx
Regarding my last post, it will always be a recurring issue with me I think, and while many of the friends I have who read this blog will see it as me going off on one again, I would have appreciated more in the way of support be it a comment on the blog post, or just an email or phone call. I don't know whether people think it's best that I be left alone when I'm in that mood or whether they just don't care enough to get in contact with me.
I think I'm always going to feel left out with my social limitations and it's not easy seeing everybody forming close friendships as I get stuck with my own company and ultimately my own self pity, I guess I look for some extra care and attention online as I don't get to see you in the flesh, and I really enjoyed actually meeting you.
I don't really talk about my actual real life in this blog because I find it pretty embarrassing how little there is to tell. I've touched on the social anxiety a few times on this blog but most of you wont know how much it's actually held me back my adult life. I'm still not going to go into huge detail however I will say that 2008 has been hopefully my transistional year and I'm hoping for so much more in 2009. I can tell you that my outlook has started to brighten and my anxiety levels have dropped gradually this year and I'm starting to do things I would never have dreamed of taking on and I hope so much that nothing changes on that front.
At the risk of sounding wet, there are a select few who mean a great deal to me who I've met through youtube and stickam and as Christmas approaches I want to thank you all for putting up with me and being my friend because after 2007, I desperately needed some friends xx
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