This isolation lark

So I've not been about online for a while now, in fact only about five days but in online terms between people who spend many hours online each day, five days is quite a while and the things that constantly grates on me is the fact that nobody actually cares, for all they know, something bad might have happened, I know when certain of my online friends haven't been online for a day or two, I actually start to worry that something has happened, maybe that's because I worry too much, who knows.

As I write this I think to myself, Christ, I sound like I want people's attention all of the time and I don't think that's true, I just want to feel like I matter to the people who matter to me.

Being away from the social aspects of the Internet is a good and bad thing, It's good that I am actually getting to watch TV and know when programmes are on, yes tv is not great these days but there's still plenty to watch, being on msn/skype all the time just takes your attention away from what you like on TV. I watched the Shooting Stars night tonight on BBC2 and was in tears of laughter remembering how good it was, then I watched the brand new episode, It was okay but it's not the same, it's never really worked without Mark Lamarr and I think it was just perfect for that time in the 90's when people wasn't used to this "Random" comedy. Now of course with the Mighty Boosh and such, it's popular and trendy to try and make comedy weird and nonsensical, so now TV is full of twats trying to be clever and off the wall, hense why T4 is now unwatchable, fuck off and bring back Dermott O'Leary and Margareta Taylor.

It's also good because I can write blogs, usually I feel like I have nothing to write about however it's more likely that it's easier to blog when your emotions are all over the place and you constantly think about things, and I guess when you have nobody to vent to, it's easy to vent your feelings by writing them down. I also feel like I have to write lots of blogs now that I've stated I'm gonna go for an Alex Day blog explosion.

I guess what's bad is that without talking to people, it's so easy to feel forgotten and isolated from everybody, I think tomorrow will be the first new years eve probably ever that I'll actually be a little sad that I'm not out with friends, I guess I never really had "friends" plural in the past to feel as though I'm greatly missing out. But it's not possible for me to get there really, it's too bigger step and it's at a time where I've certainly fallen out with one person and who knows who else. I'll just have to think about all the people going that I'd really rather not spend the night with and maybe that'll take some of the disappointment away.

I can't think of much more to say, I want to be able to finish one of these blogs like Alex does where he says "This person just phoned me and now I feel happy again"

hmmmm