My Dream

I had a nice dream last night, I jotted it down this morning when I woke up so I wouldn't forget it.

So I decided to walk to Derby to see Dave, don't ask me how I managed to walk the 194 mile journey, I just did, presumably at some point I got a ferry but my dream was vague enough to ignore those details, despite the journey taking 4 hours 7 minutes in a car according to Google Maps, I think I managed to walk there in about 15 minutes.

I got to Derby and for some reason I just knew exactly where Dave lives and it was a pretty decent area, his house was large, and it was a beautiful sunny day and everybody was outside, there were at least 15-20 people there in total, and then I bumped into Dave (I just made a genuinely funny typo, instead of bumped, I type bummed). Dave was really shocked to see me but happy and he gave me a hug and three kisses (not like that) on the cheek (Damn lack of imagination), but to be honest, they were quite tender, I felt something that day.

I stayed at Dave's house that night in a guest bedroom and the following morning I awoke early needing a piss (as you do), so I found my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me, however there were two doors next to each other and I forgot to look the other door. At that point Dave's father opened the other door, It was okay, I was wearing pants. Now for some reason, Dave's house was full of brothers and sisters and cousins, it was like The Waltons and every single one of his family was stunningly good looking, his dad however was about 65 with a big old belly. He looked a bit like Otto from Malcolm in the middle. So he opens the door and I said "I'm in here, I wont be long" to which he replied "OK". I'm not sure he actually knew why I was in his house but he seemed pretty accepting about it. At that point he glanced down and said with a shock "Oh" and then walked away, I wondered why he said that and looked down and noticed that my penis was hanging out the bottom of my pants. So I went for my piss, for some unknown reason there were three toilets in the bathroom but two of them were broken, I had my piss, but my penis was a bit like it had a watering can attachment that morning so it went absolutely everywhere, I was very embarrassed. At that point his brother or cousin (who was very attractive) come down the stairs into the bathroom (what kind of layout is that?) This time my penis was tucked away safely, he seemed particularly calm that there was a stranger in a pair of pants in his bathroom.

The next thing I know, I'm outside and I meet up with Dave who has just woken up and we are just about to go somewhere when two more people turn up and surprise him. It took me by surprise also because it was Jordan and Peter André. Dave greeted Jordan, who was apparently his friend with three kisses on the cheek just like he had with me. I was a bit put out that it wasn't a special greeting for me only, and I was angry that I was gonna have to share mine and Dave's day with Jordan and Peter André. Anyway, we all walked off together, Jordan was being her usual crude, inarticulate self which I totally called her on, She said something and I was like "Yeah, nice use of grammar there, how have you got your own column?", it was all light hearted! Then I relayed the story of that morning and his dad seeing my penis. We all had lulz.

Then I woke up and had a piss, fortunately this time I was not dreaming and I was in my house and Dave's father didn't walk in on me.