So, I guess I'm blogging

I used to have a blog that covered my social anxiety disorder, Oh yeah, for those of you who don't know, I have Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) or otherwise known as Social Phobia, so if you're wondering why I don't come to gatherings, then wikipedia SAD and you should understand me a little better.

So, Today is my birthday and I didn't make a conscious effort to create a blog, however I deleted my old blogger account and so couldn't reply to other people's blogs. Today I read Mhairi's blog and wanted to comment and so needed to create a new account. From there, I just figured I'll write a blog entry and see whether I bother to continue with it. I certainly wont be as prolific as Alex with his diary, more than likely I'll be as lazy as Jimmy is with his.

My initial objections to writing a blog was simple. I have no life, my social anxiety has crippled my life up until this point and while I do feel happier now I've met some youtube friends, I still live a non existant life and am embarrassed to talk to people about it for the most part. So I knew that if I were to blog, I would have to open myself up and let people know more about me, which I wasn't sure I wanted to do, I'm still not sure to be honest. I guess it depends on the numbers of people who read the blog as to how comfortable I feel about it. Only time will tell.

Mhazz called me the other day for the first time, which made me happy. I miss the close relationships that other people seem to have but I can't because of my problems. Because I don't meet up with people, I don't feel like we can develop as close a bond as others are forming and it makes me feel left out, I try to compensate for it by getting as much attention as I can online with stickam and other such things. When I don't feel important enough, I leave for a while. And I usually convince myself that I am unimportant to everyone. It's not nice, I do it to myself and I know I shouldn't. But for any of my friends online reading this, I am always available to listen if you want to talk to me.

Twenty five today and feeling better about life in general and depressed about another year older especially having acchieved nothing. I am in awe of all these teens that travel about meeting eachother, I wish I could join you. Maybe one day I will?