Was thinking about taking the laptop this week because I want to blog daily but maybe instead, I'll take a note book. I guess this week is for people who really want to hang out with me and as disappointed as I may be with those who arent, I think I need to make the most of those who have put themselves out, I'm not the best offer for sure so those who came are good friends and they mean a ton to me.
Onwards.
Saturday, 11 July 2009
Monday, 29 June 2009
Keep the worst kept secret a secret
I remember the simple times when people kept their plans secret to avoid hurting the feelings of those people who wasn't a part of those plans. Not to rain on anyone's parade, but I do think it's wrong to publicly flaunt things especially in such a public arena like twitter, even if it is the worst kept secret on the planet.
Just saying, if you were in a group at school or work and you all had plans to do something together, you wouldn't talk loudly about it nearby one of those people who are not invited so what's different about twitter, because you can't see people's emotions, they don't matter?
Just for the record, I'm not upset or anything, I just find it aggravating because I think it's rude.
Just saying, if you were in a group at school or work and you all had plans to do something together, you wouldn't talk loudly about it nearby one of those people who are not invited so what's different about twitter, because you can't see people's emotions, they don't matter?
Just for the record, I'm not upset or anything, I just find it aggravating because I think it's rude.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Had a great dream last night. Was kinda regular like we were at a gathering somewhere and we kinda split up and me, Pav, Dale and Darren all went off one way, then later Dale went off to the rest off the group to watch something and I was pissed, anyway he came back and we went to a hotel that cost £795 per night and for some reason I thought that was a reasonable price, I like that in my dreams I am apparently loaded. Then we went in, then my alarm woke me up, I was well annoyed, it was like watching a drama and almost everything was normal, the people I was with, the people I wasn't talking to, usually in dreams I'll be hanging out with people from youtube with the odd person I knew from School etc, like a weird jumble of thoughts. Would have liked to have seen what happened.
EDIT: Just remembered, at some point Pav was acting drunk but he'd only had like a glass of gin and tonic and we were like, stop acting stupid Pav and he was smoking too! UMMMM
On a further note, some people come to conclusions without any facts, I'm probably just as guilty as you in doing this, but friendships in the past were in no way spoilt by me, I was pretty easy going once upon a time. The fact that I wouldn't go out clubbing or such in my book would never justify stopping being somebodies friend, sometimes you need people who you can go to the pub with one day and have a chat and not feel uncomfortable talking about anything with, I understand I'm not the friend you go out and party with but often those friends are pretty hollow and don't want to know if you are having a hard time, not friendship in my book. Anyway just based on things I feel, you should know that it's wrong and they are judgements about me I'd rather you didn't make.
Thanks to those of you who did comment my blog, most of you were unfamiliar to me. I guess I didn't expect a certain few to comment and I know it's hard to find words sometimes, but just so you know, I feel okay, I'm upset about a certain thing, it's not playing on my mind, the fact that I left youtube is pretty much unrelated, so nobody need feel weird about contacting me should they wish. Tom has by text and I appreciate it a lot.
Burning hot today!
EDIT: Just remembered, at some point Pav was acting drunk but he'd only had like a glass of gin and tonic and we were like, stop acting stupid Pav and he was smoking too! UMMMM
On a further note, some people come to conclusions without any facts, I'm probably just as guilty as you in doing this, but friendships in the past were in no way spoilt by me, I was pretty easy going once upon a time. The fact that I wouldn't go out clubbing or such in my book would never justify stopping being somebodies friend, sometimes you need people who you can go to the pub with one day and have a chat and not feel uncomfortable talking about anything with, I understand I'm not the friend you go out and party with but often those friends are pretty hollow and don't want to know if you are having a hard time, not friendship in my book. Anyway just based on things I feel, you should know that it's wrong and they are judgements about me I'd rather you didn't make.
Thanks to those of you who did comment my blog, most of you were unfamiliar to me. I guess I didn't expect a certain few to comment and I know it's hard to find words sometimes, but just so you know, I feel okay, I'm upset about a certain thing, it's not playing on my mind, the fact that I left youtube is pretty much unrelated, so nobody need feel weird about contacting me should they wish. Tom has by text and I appreciate it a lot.
Burning hot today!
Monday, 15 June 2009
The death of MyShowbizName
Was a fairly melodramatic blog title but I think I got away with it.
A few days ago I had a bust up with somebody I considered to be one of my best friends, I don't have many friends so it mattered to me enormously. Ultimately I think foundations were being put in place to cut ties with me in the long term, I wont say anymore.
Living with social anxiety and being almost a recluse has lost me a lot of friendships over the years, people I thought I would be friends with my whole life. I take partial responsibility for losing them, After school/college, the friendships you make are never the same. You are no longer in a position where you see them everyday, what happens after is up to you both. Because I didn't go out, go to pubs/clubs/parties etc. I lost out in a big way, not on social life, I don't really care for those things however I lost out of friendships that meant the world to me. I hold resentment towards my former friends for abandoning me. Despite not seeing them, I would often call them, try to arrange maybe an afternoon at the pub, a few hours where we could just catch up, nothing extensive, maybe only for a few hours in a month however I never really got the same willingness back. People move on, find new friends and either forget or don't care about their old ones and for the life of me, I really can't understand why.
My friendships mean so much to me and I make few friends so that I can have close bonds with people. I've never really seen the appeal of having as many friends as possible, how on earth do you stay close? So anyway the events of a few days ago just knocked me sideways and I think I just wanted to disappear.
I have been low before and I have considered closing my youtube account on several occasions prior, I guess it took something as big as this to make me finally decide to do it. Youtube has been a curious experience for me. I first started making videos on another account in June 2007 under the account DomC234, the account has been closed for a while now, originally I made videos about my social anxiety, at that point I was completely alone, I didn't have a friend it the world and spent my whole life tucked away existing but certainly not living. It was not a positive thing for me to do, the people I met and followed were fellow sufferers and watching their videos just further depressed me to a point where I would cut myself, I had done this prior but not so extensively. I kinda hated the cliché of cutting myself, but I just didn't really care, I did it because in reality I wanted to cut my wrists and be gone, but I never had the guts. Is always tough when you don't want to be around any longer but likewise are scared to die.
Anyway eventually I stopped making videos and found stickam where inevitably I was ignored in Myles Dyer's chat room apart from by one person called Dale (The Gadget Dude) and I would never have imagined at that point that he would go on to be my best friend and the one person I would never doubt, he has always been my friend for over a year and a half, he has always showed a desire to want to speak to me and to have the feeling of reciprocation in a friendship is such a huge thing for me. We would go on to pm each other in stickam and eventually add each other on MSN, when we felt comfortable there, we moved on to skype about December 2007 and well we never stopped. In about October/November 2007, Dale told me about this guy on stickam called DaveyBoyz, we went on to frequent his room nightly where I first became friends Dave (Blue Skies) This was before either Dave's were featured and only had a couple of hundred subscribers each. That initial group of friends that went on to include Mhazz, Ginger Chris and John Cox would give me the courage to start the MyShowbizName channel, A channel which I decided to try to make funny videos and take over the world.
I had thought about making a channel for funny/entertaining videos and I never had the balls because being a noob I pretty much thought 'If I try and be funny, I'll most probably have the most subscribers of all time' This worried me because I had not long been at a place where I didn't want anyone to know me, in fact my first videos on the old account, I would put a ton of effects on to hide my face. My worry was, if I got famous, would I like being known? This was in the days where people thought having 5,000 subscribers was being famous. In the end I decided it would kinda be fun to be liked.
From then on I got 100 subscribers in a week and I thought, this is easy, It helped also to have "Celebrity fans" like Jimmy and Alex who kinda knew me a bit from VLR which was just before I started the channel. From there you do get pretty subscriber hungry and the more you get, the more you want, more so because you see the rate of growth in other people's channels, people who you know are not as good as you however have the distinct advantage of being vaguely attractive, it's certainly irritating when people get a couple of thousand subscribers in a month or two just for being attractive, especially when they are not attractive, I wont name names but people probably have their own ideas of who has subscribers they don't deserve.
I had to work pretty hard to gain my subscribers, people called it whoring myself out when I was in PJ and Alex's videos, but the truth is, people wouldn't give me a chance and the only way I could get a significant number of subscribers was to appear in popular youtubers videos. I don't feel guilty about this for several reasons, Firstly, I never relied on gaining subscribers just because of appearance, I always tried to write funny scripts so that people subbed to me based on my humour and not just because who I had made friends with. I was confident that people who were subscribing after those collaboration videos, had subscribed because they had liked me.
Despite this, I have found throughout my whole time on youtube that were it not for these videos I would currently probably have about 400 subscribers based on people who decided to subscribe because they look past me being an fat ugly git and decided that they liked me. That's a pretty low number based on a year and a half of effort. This is why in recent months I have lost heart and faith in youtube and when youtube decided to abolish the 'featured video' that was updated daily, I kinda thought, the chance to break through is no longer really there. These factors lead to thoughts of closing the channel and no longer being frustrated by not gaining any new subscribers. The biggest reason I decided not to in the past was just because I thought, if I ever wanted to make videos again, I'd kinda like to keep the username, I had established it and I'd always thought it was a pretty good name. Of course, not losing 1,100 subs that I'd worked for was also a factor but really only about 400 watched my videos so really it wasn't the biggest thing in the world.
To be perfectly honest I thought youtooners would help boost my profile, I really believe it was an exceptional idea and what we managed to put out was also brilliant, it's a shame that the second episode never got made because I think it is genuinely funnier than the first episode and was looking great, however I don't think from the start that certain people cared or particularly wanted to put the effort it involved in to making the episodes, it lead to friction and I take a lot of responsibility for that because I chose four people that I felt would work, maybe I should have made sure people wanted to really get stuck in to a project as large as it became. People lost interest and I didn't want to continue forcing people to make something they wasn't committed to. I'm happy that there are a few things out there that people can still watch and ultimately it was the only time I had a taste of being popular with the feature and such, despite this however, out of 5,000 early subscribers only 100 subscribed to me, I think I pretty much knew then that people wasn't interested in me.
So anyway, the events of a few days ago pushed me to do this, and I thought that I may as well get rid of twitter and dailybooth also because I am no longer MyShowbizName and those links have now ended, I am keeping the blog purely because I cba to change it, I like the blogger service and I have the domain so it's just easier for now.
I have made some good friends through youtube and more so stickam and I am not cutting ties with those people, At the moment I am just having a bit of time away, could be a week or maybe a few weeks, I feel better than I did and so maybe it'll be sooner rather than later but I enjoyed making videos, I wish I had gotten a bit more success and recognition but that's youtube for you. If I ever make videos again, I may just use blogger and upload the videos as a joint blog/vlog format. I don't know yet.
Points for those of you who read this through, I appreciate it :)
A few days ago I had a bust up with somebody I considered to be one of my best friends, I don't have many friends so it mattered to me enormously. Ultimately I think foundations were being put in place to cut ties with me in the long term, I wont say anymore.
Living with social anxiety and being almost a recluse has lost me a lot of friendships over the years, people I thought I would be friends with my whole life. I take partial responsibility for losing them, After school/college, the friendships you make are never the same. You are no longer in a position where you see them everyday, what happens after is up to you both. Because I didn't go out, go to pubs/clubs/parties etc. I lost out in a big way, not on social life, I don't really care for those things however I lost out of friendships that meant the world to me. I hold resentment towards my former friends for abandoning me. Despite not seeing them, I would often call them, try to arrange maybe an afternoon at the pub, a few hours where we could just catch up, nothing extensive, maybe only for a few hours in a month however I never really got the same willingness back. People move on, find new friends and either forget or don't care about their old ones and for the life of me, I really can't understand why.
My friendships mean so much to me and I make few friends so that I can have close bonds with people. I've never really seen the appeal of having as many friends as possible, how on earth do you stay close? So anyway the events of a few days ago just knocked me sideways and I think I just wanted to disappear.
I have been low before and I have considered closing my youtube account on several occasions prior, I guess it took something as big as this to make me finally decide to do it. Youtube has been a curious experience for me. I first started making videos on another account in June 2007 under the account DomC234, the account has been closed for a while now, originally I made videos about my social anxiety, at that point I was completely alone, I didn't have a friend it the world and spent my whole life tucked away existing but certainly not living. It was not a positive thing for me to do, the people I met and followed were fellow sufferers and watching their videos just further depressed me to a point where I would cut myself, I had done this prior but not so extensively. I kinda hated the cliché of cutting myself, but I just didn't really care, I did it because in reality I wanted to cut my wrists and be gone, but I never had the guts. Is always tough when you don't want to be around any longer but likewise are scared to die.
Anyway eventually I stopped making videos and found stickam where inevitably I was ignored in Myles Dyer's chat room apart from by one person called Dale (The Gadget Dude) and I would never have imagined at that point that he would go on to be my best friend and the one person I would never doubt, he has always been my friend for over a year and a half, he has always showed a desire to want to speak to me and to have the feeling of reciprocation in a friendship is such a huge thing for me. We would go on to pm each other in stickam and eventually add each other on MSN, when we felt comfortable there, we moved on to skype about December 2007 and well we never stopped. In about October/November 2007, Dale told me about this guy on stickam called DaveyBoyz, we went on to frequent his room nightly where I first became friends Dave (Blue Skies) This was before either Dave's were featured and only had a couple of hundred subscribers each. That initial group of friends that went on to include Mhazz, Ginger Chris and John Cox would give me the courage to start the MyShowbizName channel, A channel which I decided to try to make funny videos and take over the world.
I had thought about making a channel for funny/entertaining videos and I never had the balls because being a noob I pretty much thought 'If I try and be funny, I'll most probably have the most subscribers of all time' This worried me because I had not long been at a place where I didn't want anyone to know me, in fact my first videos on the old account, I would put a ton of effects on to hide my face. My worry was, if I got famous, would I like being known? This was in the days where people thought having 5,000 subscribers was being famous. In the end I decided it would kinda be fun to be liked.
From then on I got 100 subscribers in a week and I thought, this is easy, It helped also to have "Celebrity fans" like Jimmy and Alex who kinda knew me a bit from VLR which was just before I started the channel. From there you do get pretty subscriber hungry and the more you get, the more you want, more so because you see the rate of growth in other people's channels, people who you know are not as good as you however have the distinct advantage of being vaguely attractive, it's certainly irritating when people get a couple of thousand subscribers in a month or two just for being attractive, especially when they are not attractive, I wont name names but people probably have their own ideas of who has subscribers they don't deserve.
I had to work pretty hard to gain my subscribers, people called it whoring myself out when I was in PJ and Alex's videos, but the truth is, people wouldn't give me a chance and the only way I could get a significant number of subscribers was to appear in popular youtubers videos. I don't feel guilty about this for several reasons, Firstly, I never relied on gaining subscribers just because of appearance, I always tried to write funny scripts so that people subbed to me based on my humour and not just because who I had made friends with. I was confident that people who were subscribing after those collaboration videos, had subscribed because they had liked me.
Despite this, I have found throughout my whole time on youtube that were it not for these videos I would currently probably have about 400 subscribers based on people who decided to subscribe because they look past me being an fat ugly git and decided that they liked me. That's a pretty low number based on a year and a half of effort. This is why in recent months I have lost heart and faith in youtube and when youtube decided to abolish the 'featured video' that was updated daily, I kinda thought, the chance to break through is no longer really there. These factors lead to thoughts of closing the channel and no longer being frustrated by not gaining any new subscribers. The biggest reason I decided not to in the past was just because I thought, if I ever wanted to make videos again, I'd kinda like to keep the username, I had established it and I'd always thought it was a pretty good name. Of course, not losing 1,100 subs that I'd worked for was also a factor but really only about 400 watched my videos so really it wasn't the biggest thing in the world.
To be perfectly honest I thought youtooners would help boost my profile, I really believe it was an exceptional idea and what we managed to put out was also brilliant, it's a shame that the second episode never got made because I think it is genuinely funnier than the first episode and was looking great, however I don't think from the start that certain people cared or particularly wanted to put the effort it involved in to making the episodes, it lead to friction and I take a lot of responsibility for that because I chose four people that I felt would work, maybe I should have made sure people wanted to really get stuck in to a project as large as it became. People lost interest and I didn't want to continue forcing people to make something they wasn't committed to. I'm happy that there are a few things out there that people can still watch and ultimately it was the only time I had a taste of being popular with the feature and such, despite this however, out of 5,000 early subscribers only 100 subscribed to me, I think I pretty much knew then that people wasn't interested in me.
So anyway, the events of a few days ago pushed me to do this, and I thought that I may as well get rid of twitter and dailybooth also because I am no longer MyShowbizName and those links have now ended, I am keeping the blog purely because I cba to change it, I like the blogger service and I have the domain so it's just easier for now.
I have made some good friends through youtube and more so stickam and I am not cutting ties with those people, At the moment I am just having a bit of time away, could be a week or maybe a few weeks, I feel better than I did and so maybe it'll be sooner rather than later but I enjoyed making videos, I wish I had gotten a bit more success and recognition but that's youtube for you. If I ever make videos again, I may just use blogger and upload the videos as a joint blog/vlog format. I don't know yet.
Points for those of you who read this through, I appreciate it :)
Friday, 12 June 2009
Gutted
I haven't actually felt like this for a long long time, I actually feel a bit sick, sometimes it's hard to imagine how people can make you feel like you've been kicked in the balls without physically touching you.
An early morning blog
I woke up at 6:30 this morning because I fell asleep very early last night. I think the stresses of friendships I have and friendships I feel are slipping away have drained me, I felt like I'd been beaten up yesterday and needed the sleep obviously.
My battery is very low so I've not got very long to write this, I'm not even sure what I'm going to say. I'm having difficulty with one friendship over the last 4 or 5 weeks and I don't want to make it obvious here because I don't want to share the ins and outs with everybody, I think it could be improved with talking however they don't appear to want to talk with me, They don't answer any of my phone calls, they seem to try as best they can having any form of spoken conversation with me opting instead for aggravated and frustrated IM conversations. I think the problem is bigger than they are letting on and it feels very much like the end of a friendship when one person isn't interested anymore in being friends and it's harsh and really horrible to deal with.
I can't force people to want to be my friend, I don't think I'm any different to the person I was when they seemed to like being my friend so I can only guess that it's a matter of somebody finding someone or some people and deciding they are better than their old friends and so cutting ties and moving on. Personally I've never been one for this and I find it unexplainable how people can do it.
I should imagine the person this blog is intended for knows it and I would just say to them that if this isn't the case then tell me, talk to me. Because as long as you keep distance then of course me and other people will assume things. Only you know the real story but we've been friends for quite a long time, I don't understand what has changed (or maybe I do) but something definitely has changed, shall we fix it?
My battery is very low so I've not got very long to write this, I'm not even sure what I'm going to say. I'm having difficulty with one friendship over the last 4 or 5 weeks and I don't want to make it obvious here because I don't want to share the ins and outs with everybody, I think it could be improved with talking however they don't appear to want to talk with me, They don't answer any of my phone calls, they seem to try as best they can having any form of spoken conversation with me opting instead for aggravated and frustrated IM conversations. I think the problem is bigger than they are letting on and it feels very much like the end of a friendship when one person isn't interested anymore in being friends and it's harsh and really horrible to deal with.
I can't force people to want to be my friend, I don't think I'm any different to the person I was when they seemed to like being my friend so I can only guess that it's a matter of somebody finding someone or some people and deciding they are better than their old friends and so cutting ties and moving on. Personally I've never been one for this and I find it unexplainable how people can do it.
I should imagine the person this blog is intended for knows it and I would just say to them that if this isn't the case then tell me, talk to me. Because as long as you keep distance then of course me and other people will assume things. Only you know the real story but we've been friends for quite a long time, I don't understand what has changed (or maybe I do) but something definitely has changed, shall we fix it?
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Feeling unimportant
Sometimes I feel like I go out of my way to make my friends know that they mean the world to me. Whether is just buying them little presents to show them you are thinking about them or buying them big presents under a false impression you could make the friendship tighter. Even if it's just saying 'I'm happy that you are my friend' once in a while. It's things like this I feel I am pretty good at. I don't have to buy people things and maybe I do it partly out of insecurity, the feeling that they don't think much of me, but ultimately I do it because I care and I want to buy a little gift once in a while. Sometimes I don't feel I get what I give, I know people are different and just because people don't say, doesn't mean they don't feel. But I don't know if I feel the same strength of friendship in return.
Times come along where you question things and more so in friendships where distance is involved. Maybe you see people going out of their way to see eachother but not going out of their way once it comes to you. Sometimes it feels like people use excuses to avoid spending some time with you and you can't shake off the idea that they wouldn't use those excuses in the case of other friends. I've tried pretty hard to orginise things but feel like their is just apathy in return and is that because I don't really matter? This is triggered by events but isn't really aimed at one particular person, I just sometimes feel I go out of my way to make my friends know... I sometimes need that too.
Times come along where you question things and more so in friendships where distance is involved. Maybe you see people going out of their way to see eachother but not going out of their way once it comes to you. Sometimes it feels like people use excuses to avoid spending some time with you and you can't shake off the idea that they wouldn't use those excuses in the case of other friends. I've tried pretty hard to orginise things but feel like their is just apathy in return and is that because I don't really matter? This is triggered by events but isn't really aimed at one particular person, I just sometimes feel I go out of my way to make my friends know... I sometimes need that too.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Wear Sunscreen
For everybody leaving school or college, here are some words of advice from Mary Schmich who writes for the Chicago Tribune. In 1997, her June 1st Column was even turned in to a song by director Baz Luhrmann.
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Those annoying green flies should fuck off!
The past few days weather has been perfect. Not just in terms of being sunny, often the sun is too hot, but here on the Island, we have also had a beautiful cool breeze accompanying it. It's just gorgeous, I wish I had people to share it with.
The Island can be such a beautiful place to be, I take it for granted but with the rolling countryside, cliffs and beaches, It is quite a brilliant place to live, but I am at a point in my life where I don't mind where I live, I just want to live with people I care about. That's by no way saying that I don't care about my family, of course I love my family but there's a time when you need to escape and be with like minded friends or a loving girlfriend. I really need that I think at the moment. I am in a much better place then I've ever been in my adult life in terms of my mental health and now I feel trapped.
I guess when people all over are meeting up with Tibblls and Glasgow along with PJ and Lex and stuff, it just reminds me again and again that I have nobody really to hang out with. I am actually friendless where I live, I actually don't have anyone to sit on a beach with, go to the pub with and I feel so close to some of the people I've met online in the 20 months that I would just love it if I lived with or near some of them so we could regularly meet up or hang out.
I often think that those of you in the midlands miss out by not taking enough advantage of your close proximity to each other, dale lives 30 minutes drive from Dave, 1 hour from Pav, less on a train, Darren isn't too far away either, it seems like you guys should be hanging out loads. I wish I lived around that area just for that reason.
I got my first fan on youtube today, just a year and a half it took but I got there XD
The Island can be such a beautiful place to be, I take it for granted but with the rolling countryside, cliffs and beaches, It is quite a brilliant place to live, but I am at a point in my life where I don't mind where I live, I just want to live with people I care about. That's by no way saying that I don't care about my family, of course I love my family but there's a time when you need to escape and be with like minded friends or a loving girlfriend. I really need that I think at the moment. I am in a much better place then I've ever been in my adult life in terms of my mental health and now I feel trapped.
I guess when people all over are meeting up with Tibblls and Glasgow along with PJ and Lex and stuff, it just reminds me again and again that I have nobody really to hang out with. I am actually friendless where I live, I actually don't have anyone to sit on a beach with, go to the pub with and I feel so close to some of the people I've met online in the 20 months that I would just love it if I lived with or near some of them so we could regularly meet up or hang out.
I often think that those of you in the midlands miss out by not taking enough advantage of your close proximity to each other, dale lives 30 minutes drive from Dave, 1 hour from Pav, less on a train, Darren isn't too far away either, it seems like you guys should be hanging out loads. I wish I lived around that area just for that reason.
I got my first fan on youtube today, just a year and a half it took but I got there XD
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
A brief vengeful blog
I feel like I've been dumped, doesn't feel good actually.
In other news, Burnley beat Sheffield United yesterday which means that the scumbags have to spend another year in the Championship.
I voted Green Party on the european elections, weighing up the pro's and con's, I just decided they aren't as big a cunt as the rest of them.
Also, You're a prick.
Bye
In other news, Burnley beat Sheffield United yesterday which means that the scumbags have to spend another year in the Championship.
I voted Green Party on the european elections, weighing up the pro's and con's, I just decided they aren't as big a cunt as the rest of them.
Also, You're a prick.
Bye
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