How important do you consider your tweets?

I just vented a little on twitter. But 140 characters are by no way enough to express how fucked off I am by it all. I touched on it in my last blog post about how everybody doesn't show the same support as they used to, and that I could understand how people didn't have the same level of commitment to youtube anymore, myself included. However, one thing that none of us are ever off, is twitter.

How hard is it, for people who you believe to be your friends, to retweet a video that you have worked on. You don't even have to fucking like it, just retweet the original message. I've lost count of how many times I've commented on friends videos that I didn't much care for or have anything to say about it, but I did it, because, they are my friend and I wanted to show them support from a source they would expect it from. So the argument of not tweeting because you don't rate it is out the window. Is throwing a tweet away on retweeting a friends video and helping them get something they worked hard on seen by more people, really worth less than throwing a tweet away on saying "it's snowing :)" or "so and so, just won at Mario" or "ROFL *picture link*"

It's just such an easy and effortless gesture to give to a friend. People, sell themselves on youtube, there are many instances of people supporting them even financially.

I dunno where I'm going, just fucked me off that after an hour, like 4 people had retweeted Dale's video, 2 of them were people that he didn't even know. What have people got to lose by clicking the retweet button and trying to get it off the ground, he has many "friends" on the internet and it's fucking selfish or lazy to just ignore such a simple gesture that takes no effort and means something to somebody.

I'm probably as guilty as everybody I'm fucked off with right now. But with the loss of support that people used to give. Maybe we should try and get on the retweet thing a little more? Or maybe people have too many friends and can't keep up with all the videos. Well, then, you're mistaken, you don't have the friends that you think you have.

Some ranting about some stuff

Firstly. Everyone on my google reader are shit at writing blogs. There's never anything to read anymore. All we get now are images of dogs wearing hats and such that people deem worthy of tumblr and someone else liked it and they linked to it, then there are a nest of names that mean fuck all to me, the end. Sort it out people.

I just allowed myself for the first time in months to check up on someone I've had to cut out for my own sake. And I thought I'd feel utter shit as usual. But I didn't! I felt fine, I guess that's progress. It's sad how things work out, but I have no control over it, I took measures to protect myself for once and it feels great not to have those emotions eating away at me any longer. It's good!

Next up - Holly Willoughby. What the fucking fuck is going on at ITV? Who the hell is that bird fucking to be plastered all over the tele on every fucking programme in existence across their network? I think it's Phillip Schofield personally. But what has she got going for her? She's not pretty. She might have a decent body but she has a square face with rounded features, none of which are attractive. She looks like Kim Clijsters FFS. But you know what? I'm being shallow! Personality goes a long way! Remember the pig? Wait a cotton pickin second, she has zero personality, no charisma and all the humour of a brick. So, let me recap. The girl isn't much to look at, has nothing personality wise, but yet hosts just about everything on ITV1 and ITV2? Seriously, she's either shagging somebody or she's got dirty secrets on higher ups.

The other day on twitter, I posted this tweet 'Retweet this message', and like 25 people did it. Fuck knows why, it was meaningless, however when I actually put together a video, one that I am rather proud of by the way, it's a struggle to get anybody to retweet. And to tell you the truth, I don't want to upload a video and then spend 3 days spamming the fuck out of it on twitter hoping someone may bother watching and commenting on it. I'd far rather let that all happen on it's own. But youtube doesn't work that way any longer. The tightness we used to have as a group where we would all support each others videos, by commenting, rating and often featuring on our own channels have long gone, it's a shame! And yes, I am aware that it's more of a shame for me than it is for PJ or Dave because I have more to gain from being on their page than they do mine. However, it wasn't about wanting to sub whore back then, it was just about giving kudos to a person you actually thought made a good video that deserved to be seen. Benjy left a message on my video saying how he'd featured it on his page and it just reminded me of the old times where people seemed to care about what other people were doing. I'm certainly not blameless in this, I too am guilty of not commenting when perhaps I should, I found things to say in the past, so I should be able to today. And yes, this is triggered by a disappointment of a video I actually am proud of, struggling to get any views. But not solely. I think the decline in youtube has been apparent for a long while and it's just occasions like this that remind me of when it was imersive and close.

Secondly, I wrote several videos lately. One had Me and Crabstickz in it, one had just me. I may be lacking in modesty here, but I think both were funny. I actually prefer the Africare one. However, the success or lack of success of the videos is evident. So, I just find it irksome that it takes a youtuber with many thousands of subscribers to get people to watch the things and actually give a fuck. I don't understand why this is, I honestly don't! I have over a thousand subscribers but barely manage 300 views. So 700 of you should fuck off, go away! Youtube has taken the ability for me to unsubscribe people from my channel away, because otherwise, I'd of had a cull a few months ago. This was a primary reason I left youtube before, it's like, I don't know what I can do, to make people watch, and yes it matters. It validates the effort I put in, the more people watch it.

If you, are in a video with a large youtuber, you are seen as whoring subs, however the top echelon of youtubers sub whore among themselves anyway and they don't even need to, They all have subscribe to lists full of people who have already gotten somewhere on youtube. And an argument you often hear is that "these are my friends". To that, I would just say, isn't it coincidental that all the people with a certain large fan base are great friends with other people with a certain large fan base. I'm not saying the friendships are not genuine, however, I'd be surprised if they started their friendships under genuine circumstances. I could pull out a good example on a page of one of my own friends, but I don't really wish to rock the boat too close to home. I can't be arsed. This isn't what the blog is intended for and I have no interest in the drama anymore. These are just honest observations that I believe to be true.

Obviously, there are other reasons for the lack of interest in user generated content. Primarily the daily feature that once spurred people on to make a video worthy of being featured has long gone and the incentive to care has been taken away, and with that, the carrot of a little success has diminished. The TV companies have moved in also. But still, I think it's a shame that the core support we had amongst ourselves has diminished along with it.

I have a new video. I'm very proud of it. I think it's one of the best videos I have made on youtube. I'm glad people appear to be finding it funny rather than offensive. The danger was always how seriously people would take the apparent trivializing of famine and poverty, but I think everybody got that it was not about that, it was about the thousands of "charities" that apparently work doing the same thing and feel the need to beg for money, a lot of which goes in their own pocket.

If you read this blog and you haven't seen it, or commented on it, then please do.

Formspring Fucks!

I'm actually really angry at the moment having just read a couple of questions asked to Barry. Firstly, I don't understand this new bandwagon and why it is appealing to anybody. Firstly, ask me anything is bullshit, because nobody will answer questions that they don't wish to, and that just leaves pointless questions.

But what really makes me angry, is how spineless fucking losers who think they are funny or interesting, use the anonymity to ask rude and nasty questions to people. If you wanna be offensive to somebody, then do it where everyone can see it. I'll admit that when somebody you don't much like, does formspring, the temptation is there to just be insulting, but I've resisted. I assume these people doing it are very young and haven't yet developed a sense of decency.

A few questions in particular really have wound me up. Firstly, variations of 'Are you a virgin?'. Now, from the start, this question is only interesting to fucking 13 year olds. His answer was 'No', but yet, he was still asked a further two or three times. I assume that means the people are either stupid or can't read. The most likely reason though, is that they don't believe him and want him to change his answer to 'Yes', then they can have a huge laugh with their toddler friends on skype.

So, even if he is a virgin, why the fuck does that matter to anybody? It's like finishing a four course meal, and then saying 'LOL, Those Africans have never even had one meal'. People need to grow up, and they will, and they'll realise what childish little pricks they were.

The last two questions were this:

'Barry, I don't understand how you can afford all the latest games and blu-ray discs, considering you work at Tesco's part time. Please enlighten me <3'

This question is quite obviously a dig, disguised as curiosity and the ridiculous heart on the end, I guess is intended to suggest they are actually a nice person. I actually don't give a shit how people live their lives, the things they buy, sell, do or don't do. I wonder if the people who ask these questions have a life of their own? Because if they do, why are they so interested in other people's?

And lastly:

Are you mentally retarded or is it all an act?

The person who asked this question is a spineless little fucktard who should go crawl under a rock and die. It's nasty and it's uncalled for.

I really don't like this trend, and although people are inviting questions, there is a limit and just because you don't like somebody, doesn't give you the right to hide behind formspring asking nasty questions.

13I_0g

I get aggravated a lot. I am jealous! I am bitter! I am always right, but people don't realise it most of the time, which makes them believe I'm wrong, which makes them incorrect!

Twitter is a distraction that probably has far more negatives than positives, I read things that grate on me beyond belief, and when it comes from people I like, it grates even more. Usually it is an opinion. An opinion that differs from mine. Apparently opinions can neither be wrong nor right. I find this curious as my opinions often appear to be universally right and other people's opinions, not so much!

A Twix advert just came on TV. Haven't seen one for a while. Come to think of it. Haven't had a Twix in years. Shame, I quite like them! Haven't had a Rocky bar in years either. I need to diversify my chocolate snacks from time to time.

It's annoying when people become anonymous because you get fixated on only one thing. That needn't happen. These thoughts are scattered and fragmented, I don't know how to coherently air them. And I don't want to sugar-coat them. I can't specify events, there are many, people, incidents, comments, irritants. These escalate. Insignificant they may be, but I want to exhale.

My brain fart is a big old blog mess. Not that anything is preying heavily on my mind. On the contrary, I feel pretty good in general, other than those moments when things are quiet in my head and I think about the reality of me and fear and feel as low as one can feel. Those moments are fleeting. Were they to become frequent and lengthily, I think I'd have a massive problem on my hands that I don't believe I could deal with.

Nothing more is springing to mind at the moment. I'm getting very tired.

How are you?

Blog #123

I think we're all guilty of taking things a little too seriously at time. I certainly am, and so I am in no position to criticize. But usually stubbornness is what drags things on, situations that needn't be situations at all.

sigh

It's been a little while since I've depressed you all. I'm gonna try and keep it short.

Just now I realised how little friends I have now. I have John and Dale, who talk to me regularly, but when they're not about and I wanna talk, I kinda have limited options. I kinda feel like my friends numbers have halved over the past few months, Just feel sad, tried calling someone but no answer, options kinda end there. It's not nice to have nobody to turn to when you feel low, I'm aware that I make a rod for my own back sometimes but I dunno.

Some forgotton phone memories

I Never use the camera on my phone, primarily because it's old and shit and only takes vga images. But I finally figured out how to move the photos I have taken and received, from my phone to my computer via my Bluetooth dongle that I've had for a couple of years. So I thought I'd upload what was on there to this blog. Most of them are just shots out and about, some I remember, some I don't. I remember, the photos with the lads, the few I took on the ferry on the way to see Tom in Southampton. I remember the marmite rice cakes was part of a text to Lex and I remember receiving the photo of Jemma and Sophie from John in September 08 in says on my phone. Some I don't remember, like why I've taken a photo of me and Darren, obviously off the computer screen. The image is so blurry, it looks either like an image a stalker might have or an image of two guys who went missing in 1981 and are presumed dead. I also don't remember why I took a photo of my face needlessly close. I presume I was bored.

New beginnings

I started a new channel called MrShowbizName because everyone else has one and I wanna be cool like them. Actually I started it for several reasons. Firstly, the MyShowbizName channel is stale. Nobody cares much about it. It doesn't matter what I do, nobody really cares. The new channel just is a little more exciting for me, starting a fresh and gives me a little more drive to use it more.

Secondly and the main reason I started a second channel is because I feel quite restricted on the other channel, I feel I have to try and be funny and so if there are vlogs I want to make about certain subjects, I don't feel able to put them on that channel. With the new channel, I intend to make vlogs more frequently and not worry too much as to whether it's good enough or not. Hopefully people will still find me watchable. Just read that back, most people don't find me watchable anyway, but the ones who do watch my videos, I hope they can still get something from the new channel.

This is my first video on the new channel about Celebrity Politics.

This man I know

I talked to a man today. He is part of what's right in the world. Intelligent, driven, creative, enthusiastic, optimistic, kind, encouraging and lots more besides. Everything I see and hear from him is almost entirely positive, In fact, it probably is entirely positive. If I were half as good as he is, I would be pretty happy.

He also thought I shouldn't be cryptic in blog posts.

Hello me, you sad fuck

This time in the morning, I realise more than ever, what a sad loser cunt I am, especially as I sit here writing dirty phrases in to microsoft speech for fun. I need to somehow put a stop to it.

It's impossible it would seem to wipe people from your consciousness. When everybody you know are still connected to one another. Other than saying goodbye to the entire group, ending the chapter, and disappearing completely. I need to get to a point where just a mention doesn't kick me in the throat.

I wonder sometimes why I'm such a thoroughly unbearable character.