Are blogs a waste of time?

Because of Google's stupid linking of emails to their whole network (including youtube) I now use google chrome to access google reader. Otherwise I have to keep signing in and out of Google Reader and then Youtube. It is rather annoying. Also it means that I often go many days forgetting all about people's blogs and then having to catch up.

Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, people don't seem to care to blog anymore so I can usually catch up pretty speedily, once I've gotten through all the irrelevant tumblr posts of photos of girls and cats with no messages and a nest of people's names I've never heard of.

Anyway, it reminds me each time that I haven't blogged in a while and puts me back in this position where I want to keep the blog regular, for my benefit primarily as I think it's worthwhile to keep the blog regular and not let huge gaps of time pass in-between. However, it generally forces me to write something at a time where I really have nothing much on my mind.

Here's a question for you all. What do you look for in a blog? Here's another, do you think that personal blogs (online diaries) are worthwhile?

I ask this because in reality, it's very difficult to say what you want to say in an online blog. For example, I couldn't say "Dale is fucking me off at the moment, he's being such a twat" because it's going to be seen, not just by Dale, but by other people who might like to spend their time speculating. Obviously Dale isn't fucking me off, he's just a safe example to use. But in reality, the things that people would like to get off their chest does involve using names and referring to specifics, so should we ditch these online blogs and go back to personal diaries?

Or is part of the fun of an online diary, cryptically or not so cryptically using it to let people know how you are feeling without having to use specifics? And does it help?

If anyone reads this, and cares to comment, let me know what you find personally appealing in an online blog.

Tired and pissed off

So tired right now. been awake 23 hours. Will collapse when I finish this. I don't even know what I want to write. I wish life wasn't so complicated rather than having to consider bullshit like people's feelings and consequences. Fuck shit balls, blogs are useless too because you still can't say what you want. Same result.

Nah, not happening. Gonna sleep...

Where am I?

I thought I'd write a blog, seeing as it's been some time and I am very bored and have nothing better to do.

Just recently, I have found myself wondering where I am with people. It's not the matter of sheer doom that I always perceived to be a part of my friendships anymore. Now it's more that I'm not sure of my standing with the people I still have some form of relationship with. I've written previously that the people who are my friends have dwindled in the past year and some of the people I felt a bond with, have just drifted off. I don't know how intentional their drifting off is or whether they are drifting in any other direction than away from me. But it's sad, close friends they may not have been, but they were and are people I enjoyed talking to and I'd rather have them occasionally than not at all.

Others I have peculiar relationships with that I wont go too much in to here, but I just feel like a lack of contact will only cause distance in our friendships. I know I'm unlikely to talk to those people so regularly as I would Dale, but at the moment it's worlds apart and it's impossible to make things happen without speaking to each other.

And then there was a real life friend. I don't like talking too much about things outside of my online existence. I just find it uncomfortable to let people in to the real life side of things, but to tell you the truth, you aren't missing much. But, if you follow me on twitter then you may recall me quite excitedly telling you of a chance meeting with an old best friend from college who last I knew lived in Bath and is now living in the next road to me. Basically, he has my number and I don't have his and since then, he hasn't contacted me. I could contact him through Facebook or MSN, however I think I preferred to leave it up to him whether we met up or not. He hasn't contacted me and so I think I'll just leave it. It's a bit shit because he lives like a 60 second walk away. But I really didn't want to smother him and kinda force him in to an awkward position where he felt obligated to be my friend again. The fact that I haven't have a real life friend in nearly five years isn't his problem. It's a self inflicted position. But like I say, I hoped he'd get in touch. What can you do?

Moving along to youtube. As anyone who knows me or takes any interest in me. My valentines video didn't really do all that well. A few people tweeted it, but people follow so many these-days that it's blink and you miss it, so that really didn't make a jot of difference unfortunately. That said, it is nice when people voluntarily tweet your video because they think it's good. I was in a routine of tweeting every bodies videos whenever they tweeted it. On one occasion I did five times over the course of several days. The final straw was when I really wanted people to see the valentines video I'd worked so hard on, that same person didn't even return the favour on one occasion. So I'm done with that lark. I'll just go back to how it was, tweet videos I genuinely like and the occasional retweeting of those few who really truly have supported me every time I've made a new video.

I have been so happy with my videos over the past few months. I sometimes even feel like a proper writer when I'm scripting them. It's great, it gives me the feeling that I had when I was making youtooners. It felt like something bigger than just silly little youtube videos. I miss it. I think it was something I was most proud of. But that's gone and like I say, the current crop of videos I have really enjoyed making. I just wish I felt they got the numbers of views that they deserved.

I have written a new video and I really love the concept. The big problem here is that it needs at least 3 people to be in it, and by be in it, I mean be in the same place, not just your regular youtube collaboration. I also need genuine locations and one of the biggest issues is my absolute nervousness when it comes to filming things in public, particularly when the acting may be somewhat bizarre. I think it takes a certain type of person with a certain degree of confidence to publicly embarrass themselves and I am a long way from being that person! I hope something can be arranged though because I think this has a pretty wide appeal that stretches further than youtube.

Right then. I think I've blogged for long enough. I know I say this from time to time and it makes little difference however if you do read my blog, or watch my videos. I'd love you to leave me a little something on this blog to let me know you've been, that you care. And if you have anything you'd like to say or any advice regarding the content of the blog then please do so. It's lovely to get some feedback in all areas of online life.

Dom x

Suicide

Africare - watch more funny videos

Valentines Day

I spent the last few days putting together a follow up to last years Valentines Dating Agency video. I was pretty happy with the results. I enjoyed working on it. I was pretty sure I would be hugely disappointed with it's reaction. Not that those who have seen it haven't given positive feedback. Just that it's so hard to get anyone to watch it in the first place. There were things I asked of various people but they never materialized, not least twitter.

The usual suspects tweeted a link but to be honest, not very many including people I always help out retweeting on more than one occasion. I am definitely giving up on that front. I wont be tweeting people's videos any longer. Why the hell should I tweet you countless times and get nothing back? I hoped that after I ranted about it some months ago, I could start a trend of people helping one another out to counter the apathy in the youtube community, but it didn't work and it's just bred more frustration on my part. It is just disappointing that some of the people I thought I was closest to are not willing to take a second to post a link.

Still, Valentines is over now and so the window of opportunity has closed and what good is complaining now? I can never quite get my head around the level of disappointment I always feel after yet again something I am proud of is largely ignored. I conceded some time ago that I'd never break through on youtube, but you still have glimmers of expectation when you feel you deserve it and you hope that when you do have something to offer, you'll be given a break somewhere along the line by whomever that may be.

I am very happy with my 2010 video. If you've not seen it then I'll link to it below with my 2009 video also.

2010: Valentine's Dating Agency... Revisits

2009: Valentine Dating Agency Presents...

I ache right now. But it's gonna get better!

I totally ache from my waist down. This is because I've barely used my limbs in weeks, There was Christmas first, and then the snow came and made it difficult to walk and from there I just fell out of the habit. I've been staying up too long, sleeping too long and then doing nothing. I really need to go for a walk tomorrow for my body's sake. The inactivity has lead to me eating more also, I'm gradually putting on some of the weight I lost and I need to stop that fast and reverse it.

On a more positive note. I've had an idea knocking around my head for some time, I really want to make it happen in some way. Maybe not on as big a scale as I am thinking now. I tend to think big and realise it's impossible cost wise and think, 'ah well' and then do nothing. But I think I really need to research this one and try and give it a shot on some level. Hopefully I can get people on board with it and have some fun.

Something I forgot to say before. You may remember I was worried about my dog because she was being sick a lot. Well, it turned out that the pain medicine she was taking because of her torn cruciate ligament was causing her to vomit. So she's off that and her leg seems to be gradually healing by itself. So that's nice!

In other news. David's Sullivan and Gold, bought a controlling 50% share of West Ham on Tuesday. So the immediate threat of administration and having to sell our best players has gone and we are now looking at strengthening the side. So hopefully we can climb the league soon and get away from relegation. Ruud Van Nistelrooy to the Boleyn? We'll see.

Waiting

Sometimes you put things off and then you put them off again, and again and again and again. And eventually it's too late.

Although I know this is the case, it doesn't seem to change anything.

I am in a perpetual state of worry! S:-|

...

I've been watching a lot of 3rd Rock from the sun recently. I never got it when it used to be on BBC in the mid nineties. I think partly because I didn't see it from the beginning and just thought it was the typical American OTT sitcom. How wrong I was. Well, not wrong, it's certainly over the top however the fact that they are aliens give sound reasoning as to why they behave peculiarly. I think it's one of the best sitcoms of all time. And John Lithgow in the role of Dick Solomon is just genius! It would be nice to be so fresh to this world, so that all the experiences are new and exciting. Not that I've given myself a fair crack at life, or experienced much of what it has to offer.

Sometimes I feel afraid to write what I want to write on this blog, fearing the repercussions, talking too soon. It's indicative of how I've lived my life, in fear. Being afraid to step outside of my comfort zone be it at school, and being asked to go into another classroom and the sheer feeling of dread because I didn't know anybody or sports day, where I was afraid I would come last and embarrass myself in front of everybody. So I would run off and hide every year just long enough for my race to be over. In the years I was there, I don't think my parents once saw me compete. This was aged 5 or 6. Who would have thought it would still be a problem for me some twenty years later? Wasted.

And

You know what? I can't even begin to tell you how hurt I am by it also.

Really gutted.

I don't like this!

It's been a weird night. I shouldn't stay awake so long. The distractions that stop me thinking are gone. I was alright, then I wasn't, just some morbid thoughts kinda sent a shiver down my spine and left me feeling peculiar. I don't know why things are so complex, why are, relationships/friendships so complicated? It's like one minute things are fine and then they turn without any explanation as to why. Good and bad. I'd say I've gotten closer to somebody recently who had become distant and likewise, the opposite has happened elsewhere. Actions people decide to take, no matter how small, can have such a huge impact.

The feeling of being out in the cold is bad enough but it's the actions that send the message, it's what symbolizes how you feel, what you think. And ultimately, will likely leave you feeling very alone. I can't be bothered to go into who is a confidant, and all the other things beside. But people should never be picked up and put down. It's quite unfair, and without reason, it's quite baffling. I dunno. Go live on a deserted island, with berries, and clouds and fluffy white animals. Build a nest and raise some ants. It's fairyland, and reality will strike and nobody will be around to hear about it.It's the danger of casting people aside.

My thoughts are not only morbid, at this time, they are entirely negative and bitter and I sometimes I feel like I am justified in feeling the way I feel. Crap, I feel crap... most of the time, and people distract me from that. But gestures will never be enough, that's not how it works. It's just about always being about for somebody you are supposed to care about and the same is expected in return.

I really don't know what more I can vent about. I'm mentally tired. I've been asked several times in the past whether I'm bipolar. I'm not, I've "suffered" depression plenty, ongoing and other boring head games, but sometimes I kinda wish I was bipolar, because as shit as the lows would be, I wanna experience the mania, the unbelievable highs. I seems quite an improvement on feeling shit all the time.